The Makings of Postpartum Depression

I will be the first to admit, pregnancy was not easy on me. The best part was that I never had morning sickness. I was treated for placenta previa in the beginning. They thought I might have gestational diabetes. Pregnancy was just a never ending series of blood tests and ultrasounds. My greatest medical fear thus far had always been blood tests, now they were a regular occurrence. Things were just not going according to plan. Where was this pregnancy glow everyone kept talking about? I had a lot of pain under my ribs towards the end and was forced to take an early leave from work. To imagine that some women enjoyed the kicking of little feet in their bellies was beyond my belief.

Delivery was even worse than the pregnancy. I ended up having labor induced. The anesthesiologist went too deep on my epidural injection resulting in a spinal headache that lasted for two weeks. I ended up being wheeled into surgery for a Cesarean section. My husband was with me and to see the fear on his face made me even more frightened. A perfect little boy arrived into our world face first and I thought the worst part was finally over. He was the most beautiful baby I had ever seen with big brown eyes and dark brown hair.

My mother and father ended up staying with us for almost the entire first two weeks. I was not able to sit up except to breastfeed my son and quick trips to the bathroom. The moment I sat up, I had this incredible pain resulting from what is called a spinal headache.

Looking back now, I had all the makings for postpartum depression. However, when you are living in the fog that is postpartum depression, it can be hard to realize. My husband went back to work, my parents went home, and I was left with this prefect little baby. I managed to take care of him, continued to breastfeed, bathed him and diapered him. I held him all day long, even while he napped. But who was taking care of me? It was not myself. I would get by eating a banana and cinnamon toast. At night, I would often drink a glass of milk to at least get some decent nutrition into my body. It seemed that was easy enough. Little did I know that dairy products often cause colic-like symptoms in breastfed babies. It seemed I never got any rest. I was tired all day long. I had lost all of my pregnancy weight because I wasn't eating as well as I should have. My son was two months old and I read about the symptoms of post-partum depression. I wondered to myself if this could possibly be happening to me. I asked my mom to read up on it and give me her honest opinion. She came to same conclusion so she took me to visit my doctor. The doctor reached the same diagnosis and I was prescribed Zoloft. I was seeking immediate relief and was disappointed to learn that this medication could take up to two weeks to have any effect. I couldn't wait that long, they were expecting me back at work!

Of course, I never did make it back to work. Zoloft worked wonders on me and the fog was lifted. I began to actually enjoy taking care of my son. I noticed all of the special facial expressions and sounds he would make. I was absolutely falling in love with him at three months old. Now that he is older, I am so angry that I missed all of those moments for our first three months together. I would advise any woman to speak with their doctor as soon as they suspect that something is just not right. Please don't wait it out, thinking things will get better with time. It's amazing that this one pill was able to transform my entire being.