The Many Benefits of Having No Friends

Research has shown that having good friends can be beneficial to your health and when we look at people in general, most are willing to preserve their friendships, even to acquire more friends. I am sure there are some benefits to having friends but I feel that the positive sides of having friends has been explored far too much as opposed to the benefits of having no friends. If you look at the term "benefits of having friends" on Google, there are 81200 results as of today whereas the keyphrase "benefits of having no friends" only shows 4 results. After a brainstorming session on my own, since I don't have any friends, here is my side of the story on the benefits of having no friends.

One of the benefits of having no friends is that it saves money. In these times of recession a lot of us are struggling to save money; what a good reason to ditch your friends! If you have no friends you don't need to talk to them on the phone so you can save quite a bit on phone bills. It saves you money on transport such as the bus fare or the gas you would normally spend to go round to your friends' houses. No friends also means no nights out on the town: renting a DVD is much cheaper than dinner in a restaurant or even a round of drinks with the inevitable taxi fare if you are going to make it back home safely.

If you think of the previous argument for the benefits of having no friends, you will agree that it is ecological: it helps preserve the Earth's natural resources as there is less need for travelling, thus less carbon dioxyde being released in the atmosphere.

Having no friends saves you time and energy. I don't mean this just in the way that you might want to catch up on some Internet porn or reading instead of going to see a movie with a friend although this is true as well, but it also means that you don't need to spend time picking an outfit that will look good or showering, putting on make-up, shaving, polishing your shoes and doing all the things a self-conscious friend needs to do in order to appear presentable before a night out or a night in in the company of another human being.

This brings us to another important benefit of having no friends: self-consciousness. Having no friends means that you don't have to worry about how you look or smell. You can eat as much garlic as you like (raw garlic has many health benefits apart from the fact that it protects from vampires), you can shower as little as you like (who needs to waste half an hour a day in the bathroom?) and don't have to spend money on clothes, shoes or make-up (this is also true for straight women).

Since having no friends means you don't care what people think of you, you are free of your own opinions and don't have to back up your arguments because nobody is listening anyway: whether you are a racist, a homophobe or even a Beyonce fan, no need to be ashamed.

One of the best benefits of having no friends in my opinion is that in the unlikely event you would win the lotto, you won't have to share with anyone. You may ask what's the point in having a Ferrari or a palace if there's no one to see it? Well you could just use your money to roll around in it when you run out of good DVDs to watch. There's nothing more fun and I am talking from experience as I do this myself every single night.

Before I end sharing my views about the benefits of having no friends I would like to quote an answer to the question: "What are the benefits of having no friends?" that I found in Yahoo Answers: "You don't have to be around people. People are lame". How can I add anything to that?