The Married Man's Spa: Not Your Typical Spa Experience

What is the purpose of a spa experience? To be pampered, nurtured, and cared for... ladies, am I in the ballpark? Usually a spa experience is geared towards body treatments... manicures, pedicures, exfoliation treatments, massages, saunas, whirlpools and the like. But I'm talking about a spa experience for men! Let's flip the script a bit. Let's redefine and recreate a spa experience into something men can get with. There are some men who enjoy the natural spa experience, and that's fine, nothing against it... but what about the other guys who want that spa experience but don't care anything about doing anything to their body or don't want to shell out the money for someone else to rub on them, clean their nails, and exfoliate their skin?

Brothers, I got you covered. I have an idea in my head about what a spa experience would look like for men... and I even wonder if it would even be called "spa." That does sound kind of feminine, but I'll leave the semantics for another discussion. Anyway, here are my top five things I'd include in a man spa...

1. Flat-screen HDTV with Blu-Ray Disc Player, 5-speaker surround-sound home theater system, and massage chair with two cup holders, and universal remote control.

Yes, that's right... the ULTIMATE entertainment center. This is a must for the married man's spa treatment. It has to be all-inclusive too! What is a HDTV without a Blu-Ray player, and what is it without a good home theater system with a powerful subwoofer. Then on top of that you have a leather massage chair (you can even get one for two if you'd like), with two cup holders within arms reach and then the universal remote control to access all of your devices at one time.

2. Bottomless bucket of buffalo wings with choices of mild, spicy or bbq sauce with some good French fries on the side and beverage of choice.

A good bucket of buffalo wings will satisfy any meat-eating male. For you ladies concerned with your man's cholesterol levels or with there being so much meat and no vegetables... we'll even throw in a small bucket of celery and/or broccoli for the vegetable. Although this is a man's spa experience, so that would be completely optional. Ranch and blue cheese dressing along with hot sauce will be the condiments of choice for this meal. I'm thinking waffle-cut French fries as the side, although if you want to get fancy, click here to see some other French fry options.

3. Wii and Playstation3 and perhaps a GameCube for good measure with all applicable controllers.

For the little boy that's still inside the man - three gaming systems at his disposal. They must include the best racing games, fighting games, and some of the classics if possible (Mario Brothers, PacMan, Sonic, Pinball, etc.). What better way to play these games than with... and say it with the echo for better effect... THE ULTIMATE ENTERTAINMENT CENTER.

4. A Weber grill able to BBQ a whole cow if desired either with three bags of Kingsford charcoal and lighter fluid ready to go or three propane tanks ready to go.

This is a praiseworthy piece of equipment for any man who loves to BBQ. I just love Weber grills; I have one myself. Not a big one, but it has been in my family for years. There is something about getting guys together to BBQ that ignites conversation for us. We won't even have to be cooks or chefs or anything food-related... but something about the BBQ grill is bonding for guys. I can't explain it. I've had some great conversations with guys while cooking steak, ribs, or chicken. Relaxing, fun, and the food will be good when it's done.

5. All work completed and nothing to do.

Now that's relaxing! Nothing in the work queue to do... AT ALL. No chores that need to be done, no errands that need to be run, no children to pick up from school or practice or whatever... just the ability to chill at home and enjoy the spa experience for a day. The purpose of this is not to even think about what you have to do tomorrow. If necessary do the prep work for it the day before this kind of experience so you can fully enjoy it not just physically but mentally as well.

Ladies, I have to pause here and explain this to you. I think it'll help you understand us better. The pampering we need, for the most part, is not physical. Usually taking long baths doesn't do anything for us, getting involved in intimate conversation may not relax us... we just need to detox our minds! We think so much and plan for so much and work hard that some days it hurts to think. There are times when we can really be blank and not think about ANYTHING at all! I know that's hard for you to understand, my wife still struggles with that concept from time to time, but I promise you it's true. So please understand, our pampering is where we can relax and do stuff that doesn't require thought or that is enjoyable.

6. His wife in whatever outfit he desired her to be in (if anything).

This is more so visual pampering. I'm not saying be dressed up for sexual pleasure, that's not the goal at all... although if it lands there, hey, do what you have to do. Wives, for us guys, just seeing you in a certain outfit, or nothing at all, is very relaxing... it's exciting... and at times it makes us forget about everything else we're thinking about or worried about or stressed about. It really does us good sometimes to see you in an intoxicating outfit, or sometimes just to see you period! For most of us husbands, it doesn't matter what you have on or don't have on, what makeup you wear or not wear, but just being with you makes us happy. I know that would definitely be a part of my spa experience, just having my wife beside me enjoying the things I'm enjoying.

Okay... I know the women reading this article might be looking at me (or their screen) like I've lost my mind! On the contrary, ladies. I told you this was a spa experience for MEN! It wasn't going to involve lotions, bath salts, seaweed, Egyptian cotton towels or anything like that. The idea is simply this... what would make a relaxing experience for your man.

Now imagine if all of these were options in one venue. Men would pack that place out; I promise you they would. Speaking of... hey guys, anyone with some capital want to get this venue started? You know most of us don't have this kind of stuff in our homes. Let me know... seriously!