The Masters, Minus the Masters

The azaleas will bloom. The greens will be perfectly manicured. Amen Corner will be properly profiled. The clubhouse will remain stubbornly male and the broadcast will remain stubbornly commercial-free.

Yet, without Tiger Woods, the Masters will feel like Just Another Tournament.

Quick: who won last year's Masters?

That's my point. You don't remember, and neither does anyone else. It's possible that no one in the PGA remembers either, and the winner himself might be a bit fuzzy on the details, but I digress.

There are recognizable guys other than Tiger Woods on the PGA Tour. The average sports fan can easily identify players like John Daly (fat or thin), Sergio Garcia, Ernie Els, or Phil Mickelson.

The average fan also knows that He Who Shall Not Be Named flat-out PWNS all of them. Mickelson et al. only serve as more recognizable fodder for Woods' seemingly inevitable conquests.

So, with the likelihood that Woods will pass up this year's Masters due to circumstances already discussed ad nauseam, will one of the Familiar Four put on the fabled Green Jacket this year?

Not likely.

It'll probably be a guy straight from PGA Tour central casting, some faceless, ball-striking drone with a sponsor's visor for flair.

Right now, that guy looks a lot like Steve Stricker. Currently ranked Number 2 in the world behind You Know Who, Stricker has three top 10 finishes, and he is second in Fed Ex points, second in scoring, and first in money won.

It sez so right here that you couldn't pick him out of a police lineup if he was the only guy in the line.

Going down the Fed Ex points list, others who might contend include Ben Crane, Dustin Johnson, Ian Poulter, and Geoff Ogilvy.

Only their mothers can tell them apart...and that's only after finding that special birthmark.

One of those Stepford Golfers will win the Masters...and that's the PGA Tour's real problem.

The Masters is a course with character, so much so that it has become A Character, as much as Winged Foot or St. Andrews or Pebble Beach. As such, it is rightly understood that only certifiable golf characters should win this tournament regularly.

Consider previous Green Jacket wearers: Byron Nelson, Ben Hogan, Sam Snead, Arnold Palmer, Gary Player, Jack Nicklaus, Seve Ballasteros, Tom Watson, Nick Faldo, and, of course, Tiger Woods. All of them were winners of multiple majors. None of them were like anyone before them or since. They were unique.

Golf needs great players playing great golf on great courses.

Unfortunately, golf has Angel Cabrera, whose face belongs on a milk carton.

By the way, Cabrera was last year's winner.

This year?

Sans Woods, it's not so much Who Knows, but rather Who Cares?