The Meaning of Valor

It may have been noticed by the very kind people who read what I publish that I have not been submitting, lately. I have even accepted a few assignments, only to have to release them. During the last few months, I have been trying to help my wonderful husband and in-laws while they watched my sister-in-law, Andrea, suffer through the final stages of a very aggressive colon cancer. I do not write this submission for the purpose of sympathy, but I would like, in the best way that I know how, to celebrate an amazing woman whose courage has been an inspiration to me.

As those who have read my earliest publications on AC know, I lost my best friend, Heather, to cancer in June, last year. It was the most horrible experience of my life. It was not long after losing her that Andrea received the news that she was terminal. The thing that is most important to understand about this woman is that she is not one to just sit and take what a doctor says as gospel. Andrea immediately began to research the version of cancer that she had, and she read every possible article about various options to make her body healthier and give herself more time and a better chance.

Andrea tried every possible treatment. She went through chemotherapy, and had a really bad experience with her original oncologist as he seemed to be overly enamored of clinical trials and dislike any questions she asked about alternative treatments. Since Andrea was diagnosed right before my best friend was re-diagnosed with bone cancer, Andrea shared any and all information she could find, and she even researched the very different brand of cancer that Heather had. Not only was she fighting for her own life, she was generous enough to fight for the life of her sister-in-law's best friend.

Luckily, Andrea found a doctor who was more than willing to discuss any questions that she might have. When she went to Mexico to see if she could get help from the work they were doing there, and he was not the type of egotistical schmuck who would discontinue as her doctor if she tried it. She went through surgeries, even the colostomy, which she so did not want to do.

Andrea has four sons, and her youngest is not quite fourteen, right now. She wanted to live as long as she could, for their sakes, so she underwent more agony on the chance of having a few more years with them, her husband and her family. I have never in my life seen such valor. Andrea was fighting a demon for which she had no weapons, but fight, she did.

Through this entire experience, she made her final arrangements, so there would be no fighting or squabbling due to grief and multitude of emotions that take over when there has been such a horrible loss. Even though we knew it was coming, and we had plenty of warning, there is no preparation for the reality of a beloved person's death. In my opinion, that takes a tremendous amount of bravery to face.

Personally, I would like to salute my sister-in-law for her unfailing courage, her love of her family, her fighter's spirit, and most of all, for her valor. I am privileged to have known her, and I am grateful to her for her love and acceptance of me as the wife of her baby brother and of my daughter as a niece, regardless of blood.

This was the person who noticed the symptoms in my sons and did the research, then had the courage to come to us with the possibility that our sons were autistic. I don't know that I would have had the courage to approach a person with that. Although my knee-jerk reaction was to deny it, she got our eyes opened to start looking for the symptoms until we were able to deny it no more. For this I thank her, since our boys are now receiving the assistance that they need. It would not have begun without her. Every step they take forward is a tribute to how much she loved her brother and his little boys.

I will miss this honest, kind, valiant woman. It would take more words than I have at my command to describe the honor it was to have her in my life.