The Mental Stages of Men Who Beat Their Girlfriends - The Final Blow

Control: Every person wants to feel that they are in control of any given situation. I needed to feel that I was in complete control of her emotions with this giving me the benefits of her total loyalty. I wanted her to be strong, independent and adventurous but only within the framework of my set boundaries for her. I had unilaterally given myself exclusive rights to the fit and the texture of her feminine apparels and called any unsubstantiated absence of her into question. To add leverage to my insecurity and immaturity I needed that control of her and when that control was lacking this is when I would go into a panic.

There is no one reason that I resorted to beating on my girlfriend and everything that I did only brought into reality my fear of losing her. The shame and the guilt that I now feel for my behavior with her is a troubling pill that I constantly swallow. I wish that I can redo our relationship and handle myself as a mature adult and honor her in appropriate ways as are fitting her person. I have spoken to her on a couple of occasions since our breakup and it appears that in some sense that she has found it within her heart to forgive me but even so I have not found it within me to forgive myself for the way that I treated her and nor do I think that I ever will because my actions were senseless and demeaning for both myself and overwhelmingly for her and will always be a very sour note in my mind and a sad summation of my true innards as a person. Forgive Me.

We all must pay for the things that we have done during this brief stay upon the low-lands and for some the wages are earned even as in the current time and the fleeting present and even also in the mysterious beyond of the far-flung, and yet, yes and yet who in all have but the demons to plead his and her and my case.