The Milkman and the Naughty Cow

....Long ago, in the beginning of things, the first two people, Aesop and Fara, were making their way through the Garden of Talud when they were approached by the Dirty one who tempted them with the forbidden liquid from the pool of clear waters.

.....Aesop and Fara looked at each other and then answered the Dirty One thusly "No thank you. That's a no no. But how would you like a nice fresh glass of milk?"

.....The Dirty One was a bit surprised by the offer, but agreed and felt much better for the experience. He felt so much better in fact that he decided he didn't like being dirty so much anymore and went and had a bath. Then he flew into the sky and everything was just fine with everyone.

Thus it has been in the Garden of Talud from that day to this, with the people enjoying the passing of every day with happy smiles, innocent hearts and a profound dedication to the manufacture of milk and all its related products. The Garden of Talud covers the whole of the world and the descendants of Aesop and Fara occupy nearly all of it, but without crowding each other any more than anyone wants to be crowded and everyone is very, very happy. They sing songs all the time and dance to their tasks with a lightness of heart that makes every day just a little bit better than the last.

Until the Darkest Day of all.

That day began like any other, with all the children of the Milk singing and dancing their way through perfect and happy lives that were somehow just a little bit better than yesterday. But in the small village of Milk, (actually just about all the villages were named Milk but this never seemed to confuse anyone), a young fellow was experimenting with a new device that would allow milk to be gathered in a way just a bit better than usual with the effect of making the process even more enjoyable by the cows, (who already enjoyed the process about as much as possible). He hooked up his very favorite milk cow, Happy Clouds Singing Sunlight, to the device, asked her how it felt, she replied that it was very comfortable, (Of course cows talk! What a silly question!), and the young man turned on the device.

The resulting explosion seriously injured the young man, destroyed his barn, and had the most horrendous effect on Happy Clouds Singing Sunlight. She raced from the barn, badly burned and lowing loudly to all the cows in the village that she was now the Supreme Bovine and they must all follow her on the path of independence and the destruction of the hateful oppressors. The other cows just looked at her with peculiar expressions and asked her if she wanted to dance with them. Happy Clouds Singing Sunlight then did the unthinkable by knocking over a chair and racing off into the woods, crying as she went that she was no longer Happy Clouds Singing Sunlight but Naughty Cow! The Naughtiest Cow of ALL!

After that day she raced through the the world causing unhappiness and bad feelings where ever she went. She would call people names that made them feel bad, she walked on lawns leaving nasty foot prints, and she would wink at chickens, which upset them badly since they didn't know what that meant and couldn't do it themselves, (not on purpose anyway).

The young man, once he had recovered, decided it was his job to stop Naughty Cow from her unfriendly ways. He increased the capabilities of his Milk Truck and raced off in search of Naughty Cow. He chased her for many years, until he finally tracked her down as she stood beside the Forbidden Pool of Clear Waters, preparing to take a drink.

"Hold Naughty Cow!", called the young man, "It is forbidden for any man to drink from that pool!"

"But I am a cow!", replied Naughty Cow, and while her adversary was thinking that one over she took a drink.

Instantly everything grew quiet and when Naughty Cow looked upon her pursuer again her eyes were filled with a strange red light. "Now I understand the world and my place in it!", she shouted, " And I know that here there is no place for me here, for you milk-sodden idiots will never drink from this pool!"

"What... what do you mean?", asked the young man, feeling the unpleasant emotion of fear for the first time in his life.

"I mean there are other places than this! And I shall go to one of them and you will have to bear the weight of my actions there, however naughty they be, for you made me what I am!" And with that statement, Naughty Cow leaped into the pool and with a flash of light she disappeared from sight.

"Goodness Gracious!" said the young man, and immediately fainted dead away for profanity always made him nauseous. When he later awoke and saw Naughty Cow's tracks leading into the pool, he stood up and made a promise to the Creator of All Things: "I will find my Cow, wherever she has gone, and I will bring her home and make sure she does no more naughty things!"

From that day to this the young man has never slackened in his quest to find his cow. Returning to his work shack, he quickly created a device that could find out where Naughty Cow had gone. Having only a rather vague idea of where that was, but still determined to try, he modified his truck so that it could go there. He also gave it life so he wouldn't be lonely on his quest and named it Mr. Happy Truck, which was a name Mr. Happy Truck really liked! He said his good-bys to everyone, popped in his truck, rang the little bell, and stepped on the accelerator.

And he was gone.

When he reached the other side of the pretty curtain, (really the only way to describe it), he found himself in a very unusual place, with some VERY unusual people. He started asking folks if they had seen Naughty Cow, the Naughtiest Cow of all. When they asked him to explain, and he did so, they recommended, among many other things, that he go see a person called a Psychiatrist...

"So here I am."

"I.... see."

"So can you tell me where I can find Naughty Cow? The Naughtiest Cow of all?"

"Mr... You know, if we're going to continue this conversation I really need something to call you."

"Gosh! What would you like to call me?"

"No what's your name?"

"What would you like my name to be?"

"No, what would YOU like it to be?"

"Oh, just call me the Milk Man, everyone else does."

"I don't think that would be very helpful. But let's move on. I must say that this is the most... unique story I've ever heard."

"I'm glad to make your day a little brighter!"

"Yes, now perhaps you could tell me why you feel that you need to be a milk man?"

"But I am a Milk Man!"

"Son, I really feel that you need to understand something about.... Good Lord!"

"Oh hello Mr. Happy Truck!"

"There's a floating truck outside my window! And it's smiling at me!"

"Oh yes, he must have gotten lonely in the parking lot."

"I... I don't know what to say! This is impossible!"

"Now will you tell me where to find Naughty Cow?"

"My friend, this whole situation falls a little outside my area of expertise, but I know someone who can help you."

"Really who?

"He calls himself Dr. Feelgood, and I believe I can arrange a meeting..."

And thus it all began....