The Monk's Kettle in San Francisco, California: A Review

It takes a lot to induce me to set foot in a bar near 16th and Valencia. For those who might just be passing through or visiting, this is a part of San Francisco perpetually packed to the brim from late afternoon to just after midnight, and with the sorts of people I'd rather not be in close proximity with (east of Valencia, crackheads, and west of Valenica, trust fund hipsters.)

The Monk's Kettle did enough to get my attention, albeit a visit fairly early in the afternoon in an attempt to circumvent the hipster hordes (which only partially worked, but I'm sure was certainly better than showing up at 9 P.M.). The place is an approximation of the traditional British pub that serves up a variety of beers and "pub food". Outside the United States, this would likely be a little roadside cottage sort of a place. Here in San Francisco, it's jammed into a storefront with apartments and SRO rooms over top of it.

So it's a tiny place, and one where you must stand by the bar if you are merely drinking and not eating, as the few tables and booths they have are reserved for those chowing down with their brews. It's also a place where they attempt to charge you $8 for a pretzel. My equally thrifty companion and I decided to go half on one, for scientific purposes, and found it no better or worse than your standard shopping mall baked pretzle. I mean, the pretzle is a pretty simple thing, there's very little you can do with it other than not screw up the baking of it. They do give you some nice dipping sauces with it that are a bit tony, but $8 is still far too much to ask.

Fortunately, overpriced pretzels and sore feet are not all they have to offer. Beers, ales and other various brews are the main point of interest, and they have perhaps the biggest and widest-ranging selection I've seen around here, but you have to be very careful of what you are ordering. Bottles of specialty beers range up to $65 (for the Cuvee de Tome from San Marcos). Yes, that's sixty five dollars for one bottle of beer. Better bets for the recession afflicted are draughts at $4 to $6 from local (and local-ish) brewers like the Lunatic Lager from Santa Rosa, Old Rasputin or Black Orchard. If you need beer in a bottle they have some nice German pilsners for five bucks a pop. If you really need to go cheap they even have Pabst and Olympia in a can for two bucks. My personal recommendation is not a beer, but the Black Currant Hard Cider at $5 a throw (there are some other varieties but at $15 to $20 I wasn't willing to gamble on them, but you're free to buy me one if you like!)

Lunch and dinner here are a tough sell at the prices they are asking, but they do have some good stuff. They have various cheese plates for around $12 that are good for a not-so-hungry group to split to be able to get a table while they quaff some ales. The mac and cheese and chicken breast sandwich are very good, but be prepared to also drop $15 to $20 for them.

They serve wines, but these I can't tell you much about. If the prices on the beer menu make me want to turn and run from the place, I'm not even going to bother with opening the wine list, you know?

In spite of the sometimes insane pricing, the place is far from upscale, being more of a mixed noisy Mission bar sort of scene. The place only holds about forty to fifty people at a time, with twenty at the bar and that limit strictly enforced, so it's cramped but not really crazy. It's super popular as of late and you can expect a line after dark pretty much any night of the week unless it's raining (and even then, maybe still.) If you're looking for a particular type of specialty beer, this is a neat stop if you can beat the crowds. Too expensive, cramped and packed to be a regular destination, however.