The Most Annoying Thing About Women

Today on MSN I read on article that says "fat talk" amongst females is a mandatory social bonding technique. The author, Sara Goudarzi, says that women who do not engage in this self-deprecating behavior are ostracized from her fellow woman: "If there are women out there who feel neutrally or even positively about their bodies, I bet we never hear this from them for fear of social sanction and rejection."

Because obesity has been growing faster than you can say "Supersize Me" in this country, the "fat" nagging factor among females had increased to a point where women feel compelled to diss their flabby abs and thunder thighs at an alarming rate. One study found that the propensity for women to sympathize with this conduct reflects the cultural ideology that women (especially) must retain an air of modesty: Fat talk also allows females to appear modest, a prized quality in a culture that shuns egotism. The article even suggests that a woman who feels even slightly confident about her curves is seen as a 'bitch' for her inability to put herself down for the good of the fat clan.

Well, excuse me. I am not fat. In fact, I profess that I am thin, fit, healthy, and lovin' it (because I don't eat at McDonald's). I pride myself on the fact that I take time out of my day to exercise, and I have never really developed a taste for fatty fast food or eating mammoth-sized proportions so prevalent in this country. The reason I am not fat is simple: DIET and EXERCISE.

Joining the chatterbox of crap talk like "Gaawd, these pants make my butt look like a swollen vat of cottage cheese," [cottage cheese is a great food for weight-loss, by the way] or, ""Lulu, I wish I had your skinny little waist, mine is the size of the Goodyear blimp," solidifies the silly ideology that complaining about imperfections is somehow normal - worse, preferred to confidence and class. I mean really, if you think you're fat, don't bitch about it; if you really want to do something, shut up and go for a run. Oh, and skip the happy meal.

Endorsing annoying behavior like whining and moaning about one's bountiful body does nothing to increase female morale, in fact, it only perpetuates this self-loathing onto the next generation. With the overly-made-up and under-dressed motif of airbrushed starlets garnering the pages of every magazine, advertisement, and T.V. show, bitching about blubber only serves to solidify this plastic image as somehow attainable for everyone, as somewhat "perfect." Newsflash: we are all different, and that's what makes life interesting. Imagine how boring it would be if everyone was a model of emaciation - if all you ever saw were females with pounds of concealer and collagen plastered and injected all over their petite frames.

Furthermore, what kind of message does griping about yourself bring to your kids? Little ladies are becoming anorexic at alarming ages; eight year olds are wearing makeup and perfume to cover up what nature intended them to look and smell like - all for the sake of venomous vanity. Do you really want your nine year old to start considering lipo and plastic surgery? No? Well then, QUIT COMPLAINING!

If you want to change the standards set forth by media and marketers, quit moaning on about your mounds of blubber. As Yoko Ono once said, "Put Up or Shut Up." Exercise or embrace your curves. Love your body, like I do. Trust me, it's better to be a bitch than a blubber mouth.