The Most Horrible Neighbors on the Planet - Won't You Be My Neighbor?

We all have had them. The most horrible neighbors on the planet. At least you think they are the most horrible neighbors on the planet until you move and end up somehow living to the real winners! How is it that they always seem to out do the last?

Currently, I live below a man whose two biggest activities are complaining about the parking situation and making as much noise as he possibly can in order to compensate for said disgruntlement with the parking situation. I'll explain.

There are two two-bedroom apartments in our unit sharing three parking spaces. So my neighbor to the north (hereinafter referred to as the "Obnoxious Guy" for the remainder of this article) somehow feels as if he is entitled to two of the three spots. See, even though it stipulates in the agreement my roommate and I have signed that we are able to use two of the three parking spots (and has for some time now I might add), he still feels like throwing a tantrum. See, he has recently gotten a roommate and feels that under these new circumstances he is entitled to the other space. I'm not sure what kind of logic this is derived from if you're asking yourself that. Clearly he realizes that upon surrendering our second spot, one of us will be inconvenienced and I'm not sure why I would ever do that for a perfect stranger. I understand being "neighborly" and all, but I'm not giving up a parking space unless he has some really good sugar for me to borrow.

Another flaw in Obnoxious Guy is the fact that on given any day at any time he feels compelled to begin making as much noise as he possibly can. I can only conclude that this is a result of the fact the he is tremendously troubled by the loss of his parking space. It is a belief of mine, my roommate, and even our dog, that he is up there cursing the gods for his lack of ample parking as well as grieving over the loss of privacy that taking on a new roommate abolishes. Other theories include, but are not limited to, moving furniture, playing "Dance Dance Revolution," and/or an elephant tap dance contest. I haven't entirely ruled out Sumo Wrestling either.

I'm not sure what to do to get rid of Obnoxious Guy's vexing presence. I lack the energy to come is with and execute any plans at this time. For me, I'd rather spend my time coming up with hypotheses on why he is the way he is. It's far more fun. That's all for now. Who can write with all this Sumo Wrestling going on.