The Motorcycle Ride

Last year at this time, I was in a horribly abusive relationship. In these types of relationships, a person's self-esteem is severely damaged, sometimes irreparably, from all the insults and the blows that are inflicted upon them. I can say with certainty it is a lowly and miserable place to be. My low self-esteem caused me to see myself as worthless. At the time, I was literally boxed in the ears for thinking of a future for myself. I was working in a thankless restaurant job for minimal pay, I lived in a hovel deep in the heart of a drug and prostitute infested neighborhood, I had no vehicle of my own, so that I could not even take my children to the doctor without an exhausting trek to the bus stop. To have my own car would be to allow me to have a means of escape, and my ex-boyfriend would never let that happen. My abuser preferred to keep me in the state of mind that I was in. I was more subservient that way. I was beaten, both literally and figuratively.

One day, while preparing sandwiches for the blue-collar crowd that came into the restaurant daily, I met David. He was a little taller than me, with short, silver hair and tattoos. He had an undeniable charisma and such a zest for life that I began to fall in love with him when we talked every day as I served him breakfast. He caught my eye and I smiled at him. I guess that I was smiling too much, because it was seen on my face when I got home. I was accused of being a whore and was pummeled in the ears for it. I went to work the next day and said the bruises were the result of swimming at the beach. David came into the restaurant that day, and asked if I would like to take a ride on his motorcycle. I discovered later that he had seen the bruises and knew them for what they were. He had such a good-natured smile, a wonderfully naughty glint in his eyes and such a fantastic laugh that I knew I would be doing myself a disservice if I said no to him. I had no thoughts other than to escape the tedium of my life for an afternoon. I knew that there would be hell to pay, and I thought that for once, I would get hit for a reason.

I got on the back of that motorcycle and I have never looked back. It ranks among the highest on my list of accomplishments in this life. I do not even have the foggiest idea as to where we went, but it was exhilarating. When I returned home, my ex-boyfriend must have seen it for what it was and gave up. He shoved me as I went out the door, but I knew I was leaving and did not care. With that ride, I saw myself before the bruises, before the insults. I saw myself for what I was: a fun-loving, care-free, educated woman and a mother of two fantastic sons. I saw myself through David's eyes, and I like the woman that he saw. He saw the future me, the one who, soon after that ride, left the restaurant to put her business degree to work. He saw the woman who knew she wanted even more than that from life, and supported her as she enrolled in college. David saw the woman who will never again allow her children to live in a crime and drug infested area, but will only give them the best that life has to offer. He went out of his way to make sure that I had a car of my own. He and I both know that I could use it to drive away and never look back, but I am now aware that I have the freedom to choose my path. I will never have someone else's will determine my direction.

I have learned to speak my mind without reprisal, and I know that one day I will stop flinching when he speaks his. I am still occasionally given to casting myself in an unfortunate light, but I know it is not true. I have been shown extraordinary love, compassion and patience from a man who expects only the best both for me and from me. I will never regret getting on that motorcycle and going for a ride, no matter where it takes me.