The Mystery of Mishearing Phrases and Lyrics

Mishearing words or phrases is a common occurrence that normally does not result in catastrophe. Everyone experiences a jumbled phrase now and then. There is even a name for it. According to phrases.org.uk and wikipedia, this jumbling act is called a Mondegreen (normally used to denote misheard lyrics). The preceding sources, as well as other sources, inform us that the American writer, Sylvia Wright, gave the name mondegreen to this kind of mishearing because she misheard a line of a ballad: The line read, "slay the Earl of Murray and laid him on the green." Instead of "laid him on the green," Wright heard, "Lady Mondegreen."

I relate well with the Lady. Miss Hearing and I go back a long ways. I've tried to sever ties with her on many occasions but she insists on remaining with me, forever by my side.

"Would you rather have me or Mrs. Malaprop?" Miss Hearing asks. I think about it. My memory takes me to a few weeks ago: I told a friend that my check book stubs could be quickly removed from the checks because they had serrated edges (of course I meant perforated edges). I quickly tell Miss Hearing that I will always prefer her over Mrs. Malaprop. At least people don't usually know I am having a Mondegreen moment, unless I tell them later--as I am about to tell you now.

Today I discovered reptile dysfunction. I was unfamiliar with the term, and so when I heard reptile dysfunction mentioned on the radio, I stopped what I was doing and listened more closely. I had a clear image of snakes with some terrible disease. Surely the lady had not just spoken of a new pill for a reptile dysfunction-- no, of course she hadn't said that. I had heard it all wrong. Silly me.

I will say in my defense that hearing is a complex process. Sound waves have to travel past the external ear, to the middle ear where the waves set the eardrum in motion. The ear drum vibrations are carried to the tiny connected bones of the inner ear, and these bones relay the sound to the cochlea, which is full of weird hairy cells. Here the sound waves are transformed into something that neurons can presumably understand. The transformed sound waves are then uploaded to the brain via the auditory nerve.

After their long journey to the brain, signals can get kind of scrambled. They can take a wrong turn and, instead of ending up in the serious scholarlobe, they end up in fantasy play land, where dragons meet Lady Mondegreen and come down with a reptile dysfunction.

We all have so much to think about and do, it is no surprise that things get a bit skewed at times. This mishearing is sometimes short-lived (thank goodness). The brain eventually wakes up and realizes what has happened and quickly herds the wayward data into the proper corral.

There are occasions, however, when the signals get stuck and the misheard words frolic far away from logic for a very long time. The following is one such occasion, which happened long ago ( and let's just blame this on my Midwestern ears and his non-Midwestern accent). I walked into a student/faculty lounge at a university I was attending. Two professors were involved in an animated conversation. I knew both men and was shocked that they were publicly discussing what I thought they were discussing.

Months later I learned that the words they kept repeating were anal sacs. But that is not what I heard that day. I heard the word anal fine, but the word sacs was badly, horribly, misheard.... The "a" in sacs had flattened and instead of rhyming with sacks, rhymed with flecks. The following is a snippet of the kind of conversation I overheard, and misheard.

Professor B: "It is horrible. They never had anal ___ before. I didn't know what to do. When I saw it, I didn't know what I should do. And the smell was terrible."

Professor A: "Yes, I've heard of this but my dogs never have it."

Professor B. "Well, it is really just disgusting. It is awful. Both of them! And the vet said it will probably happen again and nothing much can be done about it. I will have to bring them in to him again so he can help them."

The conversation went on for a long time. I wasn't trying to eavesdrop. Everyone in the room could hear them. For a while I hung around, feeling awkward and hoping they would change their loud discussion to another, more appropriate, topic. Finally I couldn't stand it anymore. The situation was too bizarre for me. A laugh welled up inside me and I faked a coughing fit as I hurried from the room.

Months later, when I found out that they were discussing infected anal sacs, I felt bad for mishearing. Dogs can really suffer badly from those infections.

I can't really be blamed for mishearing, though. Some words, if pronounced just a bit differently, can take on unintended meanings. Vowels can be a real problem. Flatten any "a" enough and it takes on the short "e" sound.

We all experience this...right? Well, I do. Frequently. So, the next time you have an unexpected date with Miss Hearing, just remember you are not alone.