The Myth of Manliness

The front page of Associated Content today featured an article titled "Marriage and the Elimination of Manliness." This is just what it sounds like - a story of a guy who gets married and thinks that his "masculine" life of passing gas and reciting useless sporting facts is over. Boo friekin' hoo. Too bad you manly men can't cry about it.

Although the article is well written and even quite funny, I cannot help but think that many a man who reads this will think that the behavior of men and women is based on some kind of intrinsic encoding. Somehow I am supposed to relate to my "womanly ways" of liking craft stores (well, I am pretty handy) and hating sports (only when the 49ers lose... which isn't ALWAYS!). I must be a wonderful color coordinator because of my ovaries, and I bet my secret knowledge that diet and exercise keep you healthy was bestowed upon me by my extra X chromosome. Wow. Good thing my female-ness made me so damn smart.

The author goes on to say that being married makes him "less of a man," but more of a person. Does this mean that when I get married I get to be less of a woman and grow up to be a real human? Well, tie me up to that ol' ball and chain; I'm ready to start my humanity!

But what if I were gay (sorry, lesbian)? If I, a woman, were to wed a woman (let's pretend it's legal), would I become womanlier, and lose my chances of becoming a real person? Would we bundle up together in our truffle bed of strawberries and ban things like flannel and Sunday sporting events? Would we be forever doomed to our house because we never agreed on what the other one could wear in public? And god forbid we ever have a daughter to propagate our hatred of everything comfortable and sensible in this life. Hey - that's what women do, right?

Wrong. In fact, human behavior specialists have for years asserted that gender is more of a learned thing than a genetic thing. That's not to say that gender doesn't exist or make up anatomical differences in our makeup. But rather, as one child psychologist explains, "children are shaped by the cultural beliefs and practices of the society in which they grow up"1. In other words, we are brainwashed as babies to prefer pink to blue, or toy trucks over Barbie's. Dads admonish their sons who play with dolls, and moms freak out when their little girls develop an affinity for playing in the dirt. Woe is the woman who likes climbing trees, or convinces her little bro to play house in their gender-Nazi households.

So to all the men out there that are afraid of losing their masculinity, don't fret: you never had it to begin with. It is all a myth, a social fantasy. There is no gene that predisposes you to burping and farting in public, or twirling your hair around a silly hot iron. These are traits you have been trained to follow by your brainwashed mothers and fathers. Maybe they were looking out for your best interest, or maybe they just didn't know any better.

Now if you'll excuse me, I'm off to dance with my vacuum while I nag about my male-designed high heels.