The Myth of Soul Mates

We live in a very restless culture. This is evident in the consumerism that drives our society, much of which is motivated by a desire to solve inner problems by external means. Real fulfillment remains always one step away. Before we can be truly happy we need the right deodorant, a better hairstyle, less or more weight (which various powders, pills and programs can help us with). This fickle attitude permeates the collective consciousness to such an extent that it even affects how we think about romance and intimacy. Perhaps our true partners will also remain forever "still to be found". The name we often give to these mythical partners is "Soul Mates".

Many of our cherished ideals here in America are based around the vision of a time or place where all issues are resolved forever - like Heaven, where we spend eternity in idle peace, and destined love, a state of permanent bliss that feels like our first hormonally-charged crush in the seventh grade prolonged indefinately. What these ideas suggest is a state of being where we have no more growing to do. We are finished. Such a condition does not exist on Earth, and I doubt that it's a part of the soul's experience even after physical death. Life is a process of constant change, and any notion that we hold to the contrary should probably be treated as, well, a fairy tale.

Now, this is not meant to suggest that two human beings cannot be compatible. Much to the contrary, in fact. Couples always mirror each other, which is why they were drawn to each other in the first place. This means that if we're dissatisfied with a partnership that we're in, then we're probably dissatisfied with something within ourselves. Believing that we have a true Soul Mate out there that we have yet to find can be a way of avoiding looking at ourselves and waiting, instead, for some miraculous salvation to come from outside.

The real Soul Mate is whoever we're with right now: the one who confronts us with all of our unresolved inner issues and also reflects back to us our true beauty. Which is not to say that we must remain with one person forever, either. Our own souls are always evolving, and this growth can lead us down unexpected roads. It is the myth of love that lulls us into believing that all of our questions can be answered once and for all.

It could be argued that all of us are soulmates in this world. Our fates are intertwined, and thus we are bound by a spiritual marriage. What we do to the Web of Life we do to ourselves, as Black Elk pointed out. Other mystics and sages have been saying this throughout the ages. The exclusivity of an idea like "the one true Soul Mate" can prevent us from recognizing our kinship with everyone with whom we share this planet. Perhaps it would be beneficial for us to tune in and try to uncover the lessons that our present relationships - and all the other human interactions that occur throughout our days - hold for us, rather than holding on to a fairy tale notion of meeting the destined someone who will solve the riddle of existence for us.