The Naked Ape-Revisited

Man is the most arrogant being in the Universe, and this sentence proves it.

Given that the extent of man's exploration of the Universe is our home planet, two acres on the moon and parts of New Jersey, it takes quite an ego to presume that, of all the sentient creatures that are, likely, floating around the cosmos, we are the best, the brightest, and the most arrogant. On a global level, because we're not yet operating on a universal level or, even, a galactic level, we presume to distance ourselves from the co-habitants of our planet, by "civilizing" ourselves.

Man, while arrogant, still has a little tiny inferiority complex, and I'm not referring to the one that manifests itself during the mating ritual. Despite all the evidence to the contrary, man cannot get past the idea that he is simply "different" from cats and dogs and cockroaches (in spite of the fact that the latter may be one of the most successful species ever seen on this planet), and tries to prove himself to be better. He does this by "civilizing" himself.

To accomplish this, civilized man observes the habits of animals, and then writes a scholarly paper advising other men to refrain from whatever seemingly uncivilized practice he has observed in nature. As a direct result of one such scholarly paper, published in 1757, men no longer sit around licking their private parts. The author apparently did not observe any early-morning scratching, hence this is still allowed.

Other civilized men sit around observing what they perceive to be missing from the animal kingdom, and then rush to implement these improvements for the benefit of man, and to further solidify our position as a "better" being. These studies have produced an immediate and pressing perceived need for the 9-to-5 job, spray-on processed cheese food in a can, and nuclear weapons.

So, while spraying processed cheese food on our hydrogenated palm-oil based crackers during a working lunch at the nuke plant, we can ponder the poor canine who is languidly licking his privates as a prelude to a good brisk nap, followed by two hours of barking at things he can't see and think "I'm better than you!"

A very wise woman made the following observation:"You forgot to mention man is the ONLY being that separates by geography, skin colour etc. Neither dogs nor cockroaches are that stupid."

Respectfully, though, I must disagree. I think that man behaves exactly the same way as these backwards critters, and that this reinforces the notion that our air of superiority is simply misplaced arrogance.

Let's take the domesticated (as if there is such a thing) house-cat (felinus standoffus). It operates with about the same level of arrogance as man, but carries it off much better. The common house-cat, if raised alongside the common domesticated house-dog (caninus moronus) will not only tolerate the dog, but may actually learn to like it, and view it as a valuable thing to have around. The cat will learn that it can do almost anything it wants, with impunity, and blame it on the stupid dog. Sort of like Karl Rove (Hominus Slimus) and Scooter Libby (Geekus victimus).

The dog, in turn, with find itself slavishly devoted to the cat, and only marginally confused that it is taking the blame for everything that the cat does. Sort of like Rod Stewart (Homo erectus) and anyone he's ever been married to (Argentus Collectus).

But, take the same cat and the same dog and put them out into the wild, in any setting that doesn't involve an Incredible journey, and when they encounter other cats and other dogs they will, immediately, turn into weird furious little cyclones of fur and teeth.

All animals are, inherently, prejudiced.

The lion doesn't really lie down with the lamb. He eats it. Cats hate dogs (although dogs can't, for the life of them, figure out why). Chimps hate Gorillas who hate Baboons, for no good reason. Seagulls hate Ravens who hate Owls, again with no good reason. Cows are too stupid to really hate anybody.

Humans are just like the cat and the dog. Raise them together, and they're fine, except that someone has to be the cat who causes all the trouble, and someone has to be the dog who takes all the blame. In my experience, every ethnic group, as a group, is prejudiced against some other ethnic group or groups, usually because "they" just aren't the same as "us". Until we get to know "them", and discover that "they" are a lot like "us".

It's hard on humanity, realizing that our evolution is far from complete. We still screw up on a regular basis. When we do, we blame the dog.