The Nature of Resilience

When I think of resilience I get an image of a weeping willow tree bending with the wind. That tree can be bent down to the ground by strong winds, but when the storm is over the weeping willow tree is standing straight once again. I want to be like a weeping willow tree that goes with the flow of the wind. I want to be able to withstand the worst life has to throw at me by following the flow of life then stand up stronger than ever.

We have to have the ability to bounce back over and over again from events and situations that life brings us; when we don't use this ability we may become lost in a sea of despair and disappointments. This may lead us to be discouraged from trying new things for the fear of what might go wrong. Without resilience when we get ill we may feel that this is it; there is no getting better and start thinking I'm always going to feel bad." Those of us with resilience know there is hope for a better tomorrow.

Resilience doesn't always come naturally to most of us, but we all can learn to be resilient. Why bother? Let's see...without resilience we would feel like a victim when we have an illness, a death in the family, a car accident, or when life just rains on our parade. Being resilient doesn't protect you from life events, but it does lessen the blow and helps you keep a better perspective on what is really happening. You can either learn to deal with what life brings you or you can wallow in it. I don't know about you, but I prefer to deal with it and get on with my life. Staying there with the trauma and becoming a drama queen doesn't suit me; though I'm sure if I wanted to be a drama queen I would be rather good at it. I rather keep going and go find where the good stuff life has to offer is being kept and play over there.

Are you wondering how do I claim resilience? It starts with you and your attitude. If you are an optimistic and look for the positive then you have a head start. If you usually find the negative in most people or situations then that's what you need to work on. No one no matter how much you dislike them has only negative qualities. Similarly, what seems like a negative event may have a positive aspect especially if you look hard enough. A personal example from my life: In May of this year I had a mini stroke. That doesn't sound positive does it? Well, I had been telling doctors for years that I felt something wasn't right and I needed help. I didn't get it. As a result I was not myself and unable to concentrate as much as I would have liked nor was I able to write a coherent paragraph. Since, my mini-stroke I've have received the help I needed. I'm back to writing and I am sharing my writings with the world. So for me that negative event (mini-stroke) had a positive outcome (getting my brains back). If you look for something positive you will find it. I'm not saying it is easy because you might have to look hard (really hard) at someone to find something positive. At first you might have to settle for they have nice hair or great taste in shoes. Just keep trying to see the positive and it will come to you easier, notice I said easier not easy. Like most things worth doing changing your outlook from negative to positive will be a lot of work, but it is worth the effort.

Resilience like your attitude is up to you. You and you alone get to decide what your resilience level will be and what your attitude will be. When life happens I work hard to remember who is in charge of my reactions and actions to any situation. I may not be able to control what happens to me, but I can control how much it affects my life. I use the image of the beautiful weeping willow and its ability to bend with the wind to help remind me to bend with the flow of life.

Notes:

I found a website (Discovery Health of the Discovery Channel) that that has a short quiz to measure your level of resilience. It's fun to take and only has 10 questions.

If you want to read more about changing your attitude read my AC article "It's Your Attitude."