The Next Day

"No."

"Taco Bell bean burritos are really delicious when reheated the next day."

"I said 'no,' Caroline."

"They're seriously better the next day."

"And this enriches my life how?"

"Now you know that you should never eat a Taco Bell bean burrito fresh. Save it for later, and you won't regret it."

"I'll tell you what I regret--"

"I know it's late."

"Early, you mean."

"Hayden still isn't back."

"You kicked him out. What'd ya expect?"

"For him to come back. Groveling. With thousands of red roses and chocolates and a pizza."

"Not gonna happen."

"I know."

"You're over him, remember? You said if you found another one of his Lactaid wrappers on the counter you were gonna--"

"Oh, c'mon, I didn't mean it."

"They're just Lactaid wrappers, after all."

"Yeah, I was kinda irrational the last time I called."

"Understatement of the century."

"Why did he leave?"

"Because you told him to."

"But I didn't mean it."

"You did. You just think you didn't because it's four in the morning and you've been awake for hours, smelling his pillow again. Wash the damn thing, would ya?"

"I don't want him to be gone. I like the Lactaid wrappers now. I think I've changed my mind."

"Jesus, Caroline, I know you called me to talk you out of changing your mind."

"So do it already."

"Can't. Too tired. Must sleep."

"Fine. Go back to sleep."

"Fine. I will."

"...Emily?"

"Still here."

"You're the best, Emily."

"I know. And you're the worst."

"You're right. I don't need him."

"We'll find you a man who's not lactose-intolerant, okay?"

"Or love-intolerant."

"That too."

"I'm tired, Em."

"Me too."

"Goodbye, then."

"Bye. I already knew about the bean burritos, by the way."

"Oh yeah?"

"Yeah-you told me the last time you called at four A.M."

"Oh. Sorry."

"It's okay. G'night. Sweet dreams."

"Shhhh! I'm already asleep..."