The Next Rod Blagojevich Asks "Whaddja Want?"

CHICAGO - In the most famous audio-tapes since Rosemary Woods' foot slipped and erased Richard Nixon, Rod Blagojevich had a question for us. He had given our kids free health care, our grandmother's free rides on the C.T.A. and now he wanted to know why we had turned on him.

We had elected him once because the last governor, George Ryan had overstepped even the bounds of Illinois political decency. He had sold driver licenses and directly or indirectly, people were dying on our highways because of it and he was on his way to prison.

We re-elected him because even though the clouds were beginning to form, the only alternative we had was Governor Ryan's polka partner, Judy Baar Topinka. Pat Quinn, the lieutenant governor was a nice guy and a safety net if and when things got too out of hand.

So what did we want from him and what do we really expect from the next guy.

Our famous former alderman, Paddy "Chicago Ain't Ready For Reform" Bauler once stated that only the 'goo-goos' thought it was on the square.

It is possible that the people that run the newsrooms in Chicago think that they are a federal investigation away from a civic utopia, but the average Chicagoan knows better.

We know how the sausage is made. For most of our history we butchered the hogs and made it. Before we went to church and prayed for salvation, we made sure to light a candle at the office of the local alderman. The good Lord might get you into heaven, but he couldn't get you a job with streets and sanitation. On election days our notes were called in and we had to make sure that everyone received a palm card. All you had to do was pull that one lever and the great victory would be ours.

The rest of the world may wonder why we are going to chose our next senator between Mark Kirk, who seems to have taken credit for every military victory since World War II and Alexi Giannoulias, who's family bank was seized by the feds after financing scam artist Tony Rezko and more organized crime. We have the seemingly honest and inept, nice guy, Pat Quinn running for governor. His opponent is the shadowy Bill Brady who wants to return to "John Wayne's American where women don't get equal pay for equal work, gay folks don't have rights,we can kill stray dogs without compassion and we don't need no stinkin' bike helmets. We already had Lieutenant Governor candidate, Scott Lee Cohen removed from the ticket when we couldn't tolerate his previous steroid use, sexual abuse, hooker girlfriend etc; His biggest sin was being semi-honest about it all. He has since filed papers to run as an independent candidate for governor.

We know this mess is the 'goo-goos" fault. We much rather elect a fellow who knew that the double sawbuck he found on top of the fuse box was his. After all we elected a guy who sent his thugs in to tear up our airport, employed a police commander that could torture as well as any South American dictator, sold our parking meters and toll road not to the highest bidder, but the most appreciative one and put speed bumps in all our streets. You would guess that we'd be rolling in the dough, but we're firing teachers and we are down a couple thousand policemen and on the verge of bankruptcy.

If Mayor Daley decides to give us another six years, he'll be anointed. It is no wonder that Governor Rod and next un-indicted office seeker asks us "whaddya want?" A more appropriate question might be, "whaddaja expect?"