The Nice Guy Myth: Breaking the Bad Boy Habit

Why can't I just find a nice guy? How many times have you said it? The thing is, you can find a nice guy- they're everywhere! They are hiding out at work, at church, in the coffeeshop. They are holding doors for you and picking up the things you dropped on the street. They are handing you tissues and offering to listen when the last bad boy left your on your ass. The truth is that you don't want a nice guy and you never will. The sooner you stop kidding yourself the better off you'll be.

For years women have lusted over the bad boy. From Rhett Butler to Van Wilder women imagine themselves winning the heart of the bad boy and finally being the one that was woman enough to make him good. We love the thrill of the chase, the unexpected, and the excitement. What we don't love is the broken heart that usually follows. So we tell ourselves that we are just looking for a nice guy, and we convince ourselves that there aren't any out there.

The first thing you have to do to break the bad boy habit is to recognize them for what they are. Bad boys are selfish and self-centered. You will never be the most important thing in their lives. They are just looking for something that will entertain them and they lose interest quickly. When life (and you) become predictable, they will find something else to do. And most importantly bad boys carry baggage. We consider them bad for a reason. The have a past and issues that you will not want to deal with in a long term relationship. Sure, you may be attracted to the idea of fixing them, but they can't be fixed. Would you spend all your time on a fixer-upper house or just buy one that already works for you?

The next thing you have to do is realize that you deserve better. If you let a man walk all over you, you accept being treated poorly, and you are willing to let him slide on things that you wouldn't normally accept in other people you are asking to get hurt. You're not just attracted to the nice guy, you are a glutten for punishment. Figure out what it is in your own life that is holding you back from having the relationship that you deserve and then focus on fixing yourself instead of some man that doesn't deserve your attention.

Finally, give the nice guy a chance. While he may not seem overly exciting and dangerous at first, he's still a man and thereby a mystery to women. Focus on allowing yourself to find excitement and joy in the fresh experiences of a new relationship. And after all that if you are still seeking the thrills and adventure of a bad boy, take up sky diving.