The Nice Guy's Guide to Getting the Girl

I was once bequeathed a small business card with three sentences scribbled on the back. These three sentences were the "Philosophies of Life," which were handed down through several years of senior members of my high school choir. Every year, it would be the responsibility of the holder of the card (always male) to stand in front of the group, read the philosophies, and hand them on to a worthy heir. The three philosophies were as follows:

"Jerks get dates."

"Nice guys finish last."

"AND... Girls are bad news."

There is a good chance you have heard all of these before and can probably find many situations where they ring true. Most of us come to accept the fact that typically girls are not actually bad news. However, the first two philosophies sometimes seem painfully accurate. Let the following suggestions help you help everyone forever change these patterns. By following some of the simplest tips on starting and prolonging romantic relationships, we will see good guys get dates, and nice guys pull ahead.

Flirting
Most guys who have a difficult time interacting with new girls get so overwhelmed and nervous about the whole situation, they forget what is really going on. Take a few deep breaths and consider that all you really have to do to be flirty is be friendly. I think I may have inherited flirtatious genes, but I will always contend that technically, most of my flirting is a willingness to be exceedingly friendly to the right strangers. However, there are many specific things you can do that will definitely send a more interested vibe.

One of my favorites is the nickname. Please do no misconstrue this and immediately start using a pet name or term of endearment like "Baby." I am talking about finding something to call your lady of interest that other people do not typically use. Make it something you use exclusively for her based around her name or something about her. This is just one way to show her that you are specifically interested in her, and make her feel special compared with other girls you may talk with.

Listening and Learning
Listening for key information and remembering it for later use is another great thing to employ. I am about to explain it on a more long term scale, but make sure to apply it when you are first talking with a new girl as well. Do the things that show her there is a difference between a guy that is trying to make her feel special and a guy who thinks she is special.

People will always tell you, that there are certain times when a girl only wants someone to talk at, more than to. Listening and responding appropriately during these times is of paramount importance, but a minimal requirement. What you need to practice, is listening during those times when you are not required to. All girls will say things in passing that you are barely supposed to listen to, much less remember- remembering those types of things, and re-presenting them later, can literally bring a girl to tears.

A basic example of this is to go shopping with a girl. As you walk through the stores, perusing the shelves, try to remember anything she shows particular interest in, either by commenting on it or just looking at it extensively. This is a time where it might even be worth making some physical reminder to yourself of what the item is. I have emailed myself from my phone before with the name of a girl's favorite flower that I was sure I would forget, just to make sure I had that information later when I needed it.

Now, take something from the shopping scenario or any other discussion you may have had, and find a way to show her you remember. Bringing it up later in conversation is a basic way to please her, but in the shopping example, try buying her something she took interest in. While giving advice to a young romantic, the title character in "Finding Forrester" told him that, "The key to a woman's heart is an unexpected gift at an unexpected time." In this case the gift will be most unexpected because girls are not used to guys noticing these types of things, let alone remembering them.

Chivalry
Chivalry might not be dead yet, but it certainly is dying. I am not the next "Mister Manners," and this is not me pretending to be. The truth is, if you just follow some basic etiquette guidelines, you will set yourself apart from the bulk of guys out there. So, open and hold doors for your lady, and any women that might be following her. Do not only do this on dates, it is best to get in the practice of holding doors for girls everywhere. It is a long-standing act of courtesy, but because fewer and fewer men do it, it will impress women everywhere. Also, unlock and open her passenger side car door before you get in the car. Power locks and remote entry have made this definitely more of a formality, but it remains a gentlemanly gesture. Another rule worth following is walking on the curbside of the sidewalk in between your date and traffic. Chances are the girl won't notice or realize what is happening until you cross the street, and head the opposite direction, at which point you will have to pass either behind, or in front of her to stay on her correct side. Doing these little things will thrill a girl who likes her guy to be a little old fashion and definitely won't hurt your chances with any girl. Odds are, the next day during girl-talk at the office, this will come up after a first date, and even if she's not impressed, some of her friends are going to be. There are all sorts of rules and trivia worth knowing, for conversations sake if nothing else. After your date notices you (her white knight) bravely staying between herself and oncoming traffic, you can explain the history behind where the man is supposed to walk. During pre-automobile and reliable inside plumbing times, people used to dump their dirty dish water out the window, and onto the sidewalk. Without any risk of cars clipping pedestrians, true gentlemen would walk on the inside of the sidewalk and "take one for the team," so to speak, if someone dumped their dirty water out the window at just the wrong time. I owe my wonderful parents thanks for teaching me how to be a gentleman, and I attribute it to them whenever someone mentions it. However, I don't need thousands of readers mentioning my name when someone makes a comment about how nice it is that some men are still nice enough to hold the door for a lady, so just say you learned from your parents, thanks anyway.

Developing Allies
When you are involved or trying to get involved in a relationship, you need to remember that appealing to the girl you are interested in is a huge factor to success, but not always the only factor. Oftentimes, if a girl is somewhat undecided on whether or not to date a guy, a little urging from family or friends can dictate what happens. Therefore, make sure if at all possible you are nice, friendly, and inclusive to her loved ones. It never hurts to have the advocates on your side. If she has a friend, sibling, or parent you cannot tolerate or just don't like, avoid expressing or acting on those feelings. A negative relationship with someone close to your prospect can tarnish your chances just as easily as a positive relationship can help them.

Learn Something New
If you are a guitar player, and you write and sing your girlfriend a song, chances are, she will like it a lot. If you are not a guitar player, and you learn how to play so you can write and sing your girlfriend a song, she is going to love it. Find something new to learn as a way to convey that you are willing to dedicate time and passion to her. Go out of your way to learn about her hobbies or interests, or learn something random just to use the skill for her.

Last year, I taught myself how to sew, and then I made my girlfriend a blanket with her all-time favorite insignia on it. I have had friends learn how to scrapbook, crotchet, and knit, just so they could spend more time with their girlfriends doing things she loved to do. Think about how nice it is when someone shows genuine interest in your hobbies, now you can make her feel the same way.

There you have it, gentlemen. It may not be possible to teach charm and flirtatiousness at all; much less in 1535 words, but now you have learned some key components and tricks. If you find the right girl, all of these things will be easy, and won't seem like sacrifices at all. Just remember, it is not about making her feel special, it is about showing her she is special.