The Night Before Halloween

'Twas the night before Halloween, when all through the house

The creatures were stirring, including one louse;

The webs were strung by the chimney with fear,

In hopes that ghouls would soon appear;

The children were eager and jumping on the bed,

With visions of sugar-candies and the dancing dead;

And mamma on the computer and I in my cap,

And poppa going for hot cider on tap,

When out on the lawn I heard glass shatter,

I sprang from the bed with my teeth all a chatter.

Away from the window I flew like a flash,

The shutters tore open and I continued my dash.

The moon up high and all aglow,

Shone upon howlers from down below,

When, what to my squinting eyes should appear,

But a large hearse and a hunched-back pall bear,

With a goblin driver and a walking stick,

I knew in an instant he must be sick.

Vultures as his coursers they spied the lame,

And he barked, and drooled, and called them by name;

"Now, Thrasher! Now, Damper! Now, Stamper and Fixin!

On, Vomit! On, Stupid! On, Dunder and Spitzen!

To the top of the stoop! And into the hall!

Now Slash away! Slash away! Slash away all!"

As I drew in my breath, and was turning around,

Down the chimney, a vampire?, came with a bound.

He was dressed in a black cloak, from head to foot,

And his clothes were all tarnished with scratches and soot;

I began to relax because he wasn't invited,

That meant my neck was safe and he couldn't bite it.

The stubble on his chin was as white as snow;

Hey, it must be uncle I mean aunt Flo.

I laughed when I saw her, in spite of myself;

That's when the party started with spirits from the top-shelf,

Before the cider gets poppa sick with the flu,

All good things end as they often do.

As my family of ghouls and boils hobble out of sight,

Hear them exclaim,

"Happy Halloween to all, and to all a good-night!"