The Night Before My Son Leaves for War

As I rush around the house..packing.. And meeting people at the door...coming to look at my things for sale. My son's float around me in their own little world..Mike engulfed in the TV show he is watching.. Ryan flickering in and out... like a lighting bug on a warm summer night. Talking to each other as we go about our business, stopping to share lunch. All rushing around doing our own things..

Then I walk in my Marine Son's room, and I see with my own eyes. My baby is packing his sea bag. Marine uniforms neatly stacked on the floor, CD's, DVD'S..Picture's of those he loves. Personal supplies, DVD player, computer, his comforts while deployed. Lying among the Combat boots, Kevlar Helmet, His life protecting, bullet proof vest, a pack half full. A lump appears in my throat. Tears immediately fall down my face. Our Eyes meet. "Oh Mom.. don't "...he says.. "I've done this before.". " I know". I squeak out.. "I know." He comes across the room and hugs me. He's so strong. "I'm so proud" "I love you mom. I'll be OK.".

"I know, I know". Is all I can say? My body trembles with fear. And the tears continue to flow.

Never have I felt so helpless. Well, yes I have.. Two times before. Both when he went to Iraq. It's a feeling I wish NO mother had to experience.

At times I submerge my mind into my own little protective world. Trying not to think about it all. But then I come crashing into reality by a word, a thought, a news story, a uniform and my mind races. To thoughts I can't bear to think. Quickly I change the thoughts Smile and go on. I can't let my mind stay in those thoughts. Or I would lose it!

I believe in my son. And others like him. I believe in God. That is what gets this Marine Corps Mom through. That and prayers, family and friends.

When I am able to compose myself. So that words come out of my mouth that are audible.

I tell my son "I love you", and hug him ..

I close my eyes and talk to GOD. While I hang on to him one more time...