The Nine Worst Baseball Cliches

9. One of the oldest of the baseball cliches is "he was out by a mile" Let's see. it's 90 feet between the bases, but aside from the obvious conclusion drawn from taking this phrase literally, this one goes back before Ty Cobb I'm sure. How about putting this tired baseball cliche out to pasture?

8. This baseball cliche is much younger than #9, but just as annoying. I'm speaking of the constant use of the phrase when discussing the Boston Red Sox in recent years, now the L.A. Dodgers, that's just "Manny being Manny". Any time Manny Ramirez loafs to first base on a ground ball, loggygags after a fly ball in the field, makes a baserunning blunder or complains about his mega-bucks contract: all together now: "that's just Manny being Manny. Enough Already! How about someone having the stones to call it what it is: Manny just being a boneheaded jackass! Ramirez is a surefire Hall of Famer due to his batting skills, but in other areas of the game Manny Ramirez is sorely lacking much of the time.

7. Any time a base-brawl breaks out or a player on a team with more than a 2 or 3 run lead steals a base or lingers a little long at the plate after a long home run the opposing manager says in postgame interviews (usually after shifting his chaw of tobacco from one cheek to the other): "that's Bush!" Meaning "bush league" a baseball term for the low minor leagues. if the phrase was named for George W. Bush, it might be appropriate, but this baseball cliche way outdates the current President. Stealing a base with a big lead while wearing a "mission accomplished" banner would be right up Dubya's alley, but with the Bush political dynasty (hopefully at an end) and another meaning of the word being prominent, the lords of baseball might want to come up with another term. As long as it's not another four years.

6. Referring to a pitcher as a "hard-thrower". This baseball cliche isn't used quite as much now, it's often replaced by "flame-thrower" or having "good velocity". That is appropriate because even over the hill athletes like myself can "throw hard". It's just that the ball would get to home plate slowly if I threw it. The last time I tried one of those baseball throwing things at the fair with a radar gun, I'm not sure I even broke the speed limit. The speed limit in a school zone at that.

5. Singles hitters are commonly known in baseball circles as "banjo hitters". That never made sense to me, unless the player in question was an extra in Deliverance. A "banjo hitter" seems like a more appropriate term for the two deranged hillbillies of Deliverance fame who attacked the "city slickers" from Atlanta. Ned Beatty will never be the same. What was it Robin Williams' character said in RV? I believe it was "my butt cheeks clinch together when I see a large white man with a banjo?"

4. "He's been swinging a 'hot bat'" Back when I was playing a lot of softball, I can remember hearing stories of some teams' putting their balls in a microwave oven. Their soft balls, that is. Supposedly it would make the balls fly farther, but I've never heard of anyone trying to microwave a bat. Really, though, this baseball cliche is even cheesier than most. It's past time to chill this one out.

3. Back in the 80's when the St. Louis Cardinals were winning with skinny guys slapping at the ball, hoping for the ball to skid off the rock-hard artificial surface and then stealing bases, the Cards were said to "manufacture runs". "Whitey-ball" was a common term for this style of baseball. No, not a derogatory term used by the Wrong Rev. Jeremiah Wright. It was named for Whitey Herzog, then manager in St. Louis. "Manufacturing runs" sounds more like a slogan for Benefiber or a laxative.

2. A more recent baseball cliche is the uber-irritating phrase used on ESPN every single time runners are on all bases. "The bases are juiced". Please, ESPN talking heads, come up with another phrase or simply say the "bases are loaded". Considering the role of steroids in the game in recent years, one conjures up visions of Jose Canseco injecting a needle into the bases. And wasn't "Juiced" the title of Canseco's tell-all book a couple of years ago? I prefer not to think of Canseco any more than absolutely necessary, although he was one of the few juicers who 'fessed up instead of whining "I'm not here to talk about the past" ala Mark McGwire.

1. Edging out #2 wasn't easy, but another ESPN carnival barker phrase takes it's rightful place at the top of the list of most annoying baseball cliches. Every time two consecutive batters hit home runs, the ESPN talking head is sure to intone "back to back jacks". AAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGHHHHHHH!!!!!!. That has to be the dumbest call in ESPN history and that's saying something given the nature of the self-appointed "worldwide leaders" two-dorks-sitting -around -on -a -barstool style.

The reason I only included 9 baseball cliches was the simple fact that baseball has 9 players playing 9 innings. Here is an extra baseball cliche for you, one last annoying baseball cliche to make an even 10 baseball cliches. Any time a team is down 2 or 3 games to none in a postseason series or 3-1, viewers are sure to be inundated by "their "backs are against the wall" or "their backs are to the wall". The phrases are used interchangably and are equally irritating to me and I'm sure millions of other viewers. Maybe keeping their backs to the wall is the only way to avoid getting a needle containing steroids stuck in their butts by Jose Canseco.