The No Shame Guide to Breaking Bad Habits

Usually other people have a lot to say when you try to break bad habits, but you can avoid that with a new method of gaining control. You can learn to rid your life of annoying, costly or even dangerous bad habits with this method. Everyone is different, but this way of doing things may help you with the social aspects of quitting.

Conventional wisdom says that when you are setting out to break a bad habit, it is best if you tell as many people as possible about your goal. Doctors, counselors, and support group leaders have often told people in their care to announce to the world in general that they are turning over a new leaf and will no longer do the dreaded bad habit.

The thinking on this is that the people around you will help you stay on track as you face a bad habit or serious addiction. And this works well for some people. There are those who like to be held in check by the shaming words and looks of those around them. You might like others to give you a pat on the back when you have successes or a kick in the backside when you fall off the proverbial wagon. If so, the no shame method is not for you.

However, you might be someone who feels overwhelmed or rebellious when others get involved in your business. You may feel burdened by the expectations of others. There could be times when the nagging or shaming from a well-intentioned friend might sabotage your whole quitting effort. Think back on any times you have tried to quit something and decide how the input of others affected you.

When you want to quit smoking, as an example of one bad habit, there are many helps for you. There are support groups, both online and locally. There are smoking cessation classes. The idea to the no shame method is not to ignore these helps, but to keep them going with people who you do not interact with on a daily basis.

The plan is unique and many would disagree, but it has worked for many people. You start by deciding on giving up a bad habit. You may be forced to tell your significant other or someone else who is very close to you. Do not tell more than one or two people outside of formal support resources. Let this one person know that you are not going to let on that you are quitting your bad habit.

For step two of the plan, go about the business of stopping your bad habit without explaining yourself to anyone. For instance, if someone notices that you are not smoking and begins to make a big production about it, head off the attention. Let on as if you are still doing the bad habit, but just not right then. Then steer the conversation to another subject.

Is this lying? Well, in a way it is. If you cannot say something that protects your privacy while disguising the reality of a situation, then no shame is not for you. You will feel shame in committing a lie of omission. Yet, if you can bring yourself to hide your good work then you may not need to announce your plans to your group.

An added plus of the no shame method is that you can quit your bad habits on your own terms. If you slip up, you can put that in the past and keep on trying. In contrast, if you use the usual way of quitting bad habits, people will often have something to say about it. These comments can range anywhere from lectures on why you backslid to shaming statements about how bad you are doing.

Some will even say that you have failed. Those people may say that they knew you could never do it. For some people trying to break bad habits, this is all the impetus they need to work harder at quitting. For others, it results in a major drop in self esteem and they lose their energy for trying. If you are a person of the latter group, try quitting without announcing your intentions. It just might work for you.

Make it fun. See how long you can be rid of the habit before each friend notices. Make it a game that you share with your confidante. The goal is that when the day comes that your freedom from your bad habit is out in the open, you will be strong enough in your new good habits that the attention will not faze you. You will not be affected by the shame and blame of others because you will have conquered your bad habit or addiction on your own.