The Obama Economic Recovery Plan, Round 2

While the rest of the country waits for some official "statement," word," or "revelation" from President-elect Obama regarding his economic plan, the House of Representatives (better known as "Ali Pelosi and the 435 Thieves") has apparently grown tired of waiting and has released its version of what Mr. Obama "wants," which is "The American Recovery and Reinvestment Act of 2009." Before taking a quick look at this thing (because I'm out of anti-nausea meds right now), let's take a look at what the bill isn't.

First of all, this isn't the infamous "Bailout Bill" of October, 2008 or the now almost forgotten Fannie Mae / Freddie Mac Fiasco that was announced a month earlier. This is an entirely different rape of the American taxpayers. At a price tag of around $700 billion, we got off relatively cheap in October.

If you take the price tag of last year's "bailouts," and add them to the projected cost of this year's bill that will supposedly help us "recover" from the shenanigans that caused us to have to bail out everyone from Citibank to Mario's Garage and Discount House of Prayer, you come up with $1.5 trillion dollars!

Consistent with other spending bill in recent memory, there are enough paybacks for political support in last November's election present within the proposed bill's 258 pages of legislative brilliance to bring tears of joy to the eyes of even the most jaded Congressional lobbyist. By contrast the Emergency Economic Stabilization Act of 2008, commonly referred to as the "Bailout Bill," was only 110 pages in length. (Interestingly, the Recovery Act of 2009 has a price tag of ~$3.29 billion per page versus the Bailout Bill's ~$5.45 billion per page.)

As with other acts of legislative vandalism on the national treasury, even the wording of the bill is an affront to our intelligence.

Line 1: 111^th Congress, First Session

(The previous 110 Congresses were a joke, so why should we expect a dramatic improvement from this one?)

Lines 3 - 7: The following sums in this Act are appropriated, out of any money in the Treasury not otherwise appropriated...

(Any money that hasn't already been used to buy votes, or has yet to be printed)

Lines 18 - 24: In using funds made available in this Act for infrastructure investment, recipients shall give preference to activities that can be started and completed expeditiously, including a goal of using at least 50 percent of the funds for activities that can be initiated not later than 120 days after the date of the enactment of this Act.

(Spend it quick, before someone convenes a Federal Grand Jury)

After 26 pages of "Transparency," "Openness," and "Accountability" provisions (which were "cut and pasted" from previous bills authorizing Congress to raid the Treasury), we get down to the Congressional business at hand by doling out:

$79 billion for state programs to fund schools, $16 billion in extra college financial aid for needy and other students, $13 billion in new K-12 education, and $1 billion for preschools.

(For $109 billion, I hope we get back something besides another generation of illiterate gangbangers)

$18.5 billion for renewable energy research and energy efficiency improvements to buildings

$6 billion in federal money for mass transit systems improvements and $3 billion in construction grants for airports.

$5 billion for public housing construction and improvements, along with $4 billion for housing agencies to figure out what to do with foreclosed and abandoned homes.

(That "problem" doesn't need a $9 billion "solution," just set fire the damned things!)

$1.5 billion in extra federal money for services and shelters for the homeless

$1.7 billion for national park renovation, rehabilitation and other construction projects

(Why not kill two birds with one stone and just relocate the homeless to the national parks?)

$500 million to help Indian tribes improve and build new jails, plus another $550 million for Indian tribe medical centers

(Would it be cheaper to build the jails inside hospitals?)

There is, however, one provision of this act that should bring a smile to our faces.

SEC. 1109: PROHIBITED USES.

None of the funds appropriated or otherwise made available in this Act may be used for any casino or other gambling establishment, aquarium, zoo, golf course, or swimming pool.

(At least Harry Reid will have to figure out a way to get the casinos in his home state reclassified as banks)

When I sit back to think about all this, I come to the conclusion that living on borrowed time isn't such a bad thing after all.

Bend over, taxpayers. Here it comes again.