The Oblong Box: Vincent Price at His Most Mediocre

AIP. Vincent Price. Edgar Allen Poe. Roger Corman? No, Corman isn't involved with this genre dish. The other key ingredients are in place, however, for 1969's The Oblong Box. Michael Reeves was set to direct this lung-chiller. He had previously worked with Price on Witchfinder General. For some reason, Reeves decided to die during pre-production, so Gordon Hessler stepped up to the plate to see Oblong through.

The film might have been better off with Reeves at the helm, but this Poe conveyance is still worth a rental. The plot concerns Edward Markham, a man disfigured by necromancy. Villagers sought retribution for the death of a native child and pointed their fingers at him. A ruinous lustration was performed that did something to Markham's face. What did it do to his face? I can't be too sure, as the film never makes it very clear. I bet it was spooky, though!

This Markham fellow spends most of Oblong with a crimson hood ensconcing his face. His ghastly countenance isn't revealed until the final five minutes (more on these "terrifying" five minutes later). Where does Vincent Price come into play? He portrays Edward's brother, Julian. Price is one of my favorite actors of all time, but he's almost disengaged here.

Don't get me wrong; he gets the job done, but he seems aware of the fact that this feudal period piece was a wonted stab at parroting the appeal of Hammer Studios. What's more, Price is peculated of screen time. He is supposed to be the main character, but the viewer is subjected to long stretches of film that are conspicuously Price-less. After awhile, I forgot that this was trumpeted as a "Vincent Price shocker."

Another kudized name is pitched on Oblong'sone-sheet. Hammer mascot Christopher Lee has a medium-sized role as a scientist who runs tests on dead bodies exhumed from their graves. Lee looks just as bored as Price. His character doesn't demand much of him, and as other horror hounds have enjoined, anyone could have filled his shoes. If you're going to parlay your fright flick with scream kings, give them something to do!

Remind us why they are scream kings to begin with! You homewrecker! Sorry, I'm getting carried away. I didn't mean to insinuate that you are or have intentions to become a homewrecker. It's just that when I was younger, my parents…um, the set pieces are sumptuous. From a technical point, Oblong leaves little to be desired. The cinematography is gleaming, the budget was obviously weighty (relatively speaking), and the costumes are almost as gorgeous as the women that they befit.

The storyline is engrossing to a point, but as a genre canter, this flick doesn't deliver. The masked Markham is a villain of some sort, but he never comes off as menacing nor does he have an overhanging presence. The closing frames were meant to send moviegoers scuttling out of the theater in terror. That ghastly countenance that I was talking about earlier is unveiled, and…I could barely see it. What I could see was a few bumps and maybe a swollen eyelid.

Apparently, if you have a formidable case of acne, you deserve to be shackled to a bedpost. While I won't give away the twist ending (not that it would depredate your viewing experience), I will say that it's laughable. I can't recommend The Oblong Box to those hoping for classic AIP material. I can recommend to b-movie junkies with low standards. Have at it, comrades!