The Oscars: All is Not Gold that Glitters

I used to watch the Oscars for the same reason I watched the Superbowl every year, to see what all the buzz will be about AFTER the show. It is not the meat of the show I care about it is the dressing. Literally, the dressing... Who is wearing what? How much did that cost? and Why did she wear that? It is not about the movies, or the actors anymore. Who even knows these people?

They can't even identify each other when they run into each other in the Hollywood hotspots. Sensationalism has run so rampant that practically anybody can be a "star." It used to be that actors and actresses were classy and easily distinguishable from the bimbos and wannabes. Now, the tables have turned, been overturned and danced on sans underwear by today's big "stars." Actresses in the old days were never caught without makeup or in compromising positions, now they are caught without makeup, underwear and even with other women's husbands.

I believe this began in the 80's. An example of when the line started getting blurred between talented celebrities and wannabes was when Weird Al Yankovik became famous for (and still is producing) idiotic parodies of songs by famous people. Barbara Walters and Oprah Winfrey became recognizable and then celebrities themselves for just asking questions of the rich and famous. Oprah can't sing, but she went onstage with Tina Turner during her world tour because maybe she saw this phenomenon of regular people being worshiped for really having no talent at all. Maybe she believed she had some herself. She didn't; the year she sang her own "Oprah" theme song, all aspirations of being a singer were quickly shot down by the critics. The only thing that I admire Oprah for is that she proved that a size 8 is possible and really really fast if you have a straw.

Anyone can do it and fast. Didn't she look great as a size 8, the first time?

If I watch the Oscars this year, if they have one, and why wouldn't they? They say there might not be an awards show without writers. Does it take a genius to write a show? Take away the laughtrack and see how funny a sitcom is. There is not an ounce of wit in those shows. The only reason we watch is because they have a laughtrack playing constantly, like we are going to find humor in it because some paid people laughed when they were told to. Laughter is contagious and I can prove it. Watch the old reunion shows of the Carol Burnet show. The best episodes were those where an actor or actress (as they were called in the "old days") lost their composure and made the rest of the cast laugh. It wasn't the writing that made people laugh. It was the talent of the comedians and their ability to crack up the audience and often the other cast members themselves.

"Three's Company" was an exercise in how to take a situation and play on the sexual innuendo. Chrissie and Jack in the bathroom talking about if "it" fits and how he needs to "put it in" when everyone knows they were installing a shower curtain rod. Is that really funny and would you have laughed without the laugh track making you think it is funny? Watch an episode of "Two and a Half Men" and watch how lame the writing is and how inappropriate the canned laughter seems. It never fails to make me change the channel as soon as possible.

Beauty though will keep me watching, which is why I used to watch the Hollywood award shows back when the actresses (oops, sorry) actors were distinguishable. Now they are all skinny, blonde and interchangeable. The names do not matter. They don't even need to be changed to protect the innocent. I must admit that I watch all the Hollywood TV gossip shows and keep abreast of all the celebrities' misdeeds. It is fascinating. I love the glitter of the outfits that they wear and the mud that is slung on those gowns when they misbehave. As Anna Nicole kept the country wondering what was going on in her life every minute, now Britney keeps us fascinated with the odd world of celebrity now that we chewed up Anna and spit her out. We used to just watch the movies and the subsequent awards shows but now we want to know every single thing that goes on in their lives.

Some are smart and separate themselves from our prying eyes as did Bette Davis in the old days and some reclusive stars do now, but others now called "trainwrecks" like Lindsey Lohan, Paris Hilton and the poor reigning queen of celebrity, Britney Spears. The sad part is they seem to thrive off of the attention, as prying and intrusive and rude as it is, they feed off it. Anna Nicole Smith, herself, told her mom, "everytime my name is mentioned, it is money." Wouldn't that be neat if it were true for us common folk? If our names come out in the newspaper, it is sure to be scandalous and the only money involved would be the amount of bail money we would need to get out of jail.

All the TV shows are so alike, so called "starlets" are so alike and it is hard to find a movie worth going to see at the theater anymore. I don't even go to movies anymore because the one really funny and clever line in the movie was the one that they used in the previews to get you to see more of that wit and were disappointed to find out there was no more in the movie. That has happened so many times, I don't even waste the money on going to the movies anymore. Some are so bad, they go directly to DVD now because they know their product is worthless. What fascinates me is the physical beauty of the movie stars, then I find pictures in the tabloids or videos of the metamorphasis they underwent to make them so.

Oprah herself is a great work in paint. Look at the before and after photos there. Doesn't even look like the same woman. The one without make up is the character from "The Color Purple" and Oprah with makeup on is the profound, spiritual philanthropist. I don't watch the Oscars anymore, though. I don't have the hours to waste on hearing boring speeches. Like I said, I am only after seeing the glitz and glam of the outfits, as most people are and they can easily be bought in photos the next day in a tabloid on a rack on the supermarket checkout aisle. Not only will I get to see who wore what but how much it cost, why they wore that PLUS what Britney and the other trainwrecks were doing while I was living vicariously watching Hugh Hefner's "girlfriends" on "The Girls Next Door". Now there is an exercise in fascinating celebrity. Polls have proven that those 3 brilliant natural blondes have captivated America (mostly women living vicariously).

That answers the question, "Why are we so fascinated with celebrity?" Those who love the beauty (whether natural or aided by silicone), excitement, and fame of celebrities are fascinated because they think that their lives are more interesting and fascinating than their own. No wonder these young girls are screwed up. They honestly believe that their own trip to the bathroom is more exciting than mine and because of America's love of sensationalism, so do I.