The Pain of Divorce

Millions of people get divorced every year and are forced to begin the journey into rebuilding their lives. So what I am writing is nothing new to them. I haven't come upon any great discoveries or amazing knowledge about the subject. I am just sharing a few observations and knowledge gained through personal experience.

Divorce turns your world upside down. It forces you to look at yourself in a whole new light. All the hopes, dreams and aspirations that you had based your life upon, the life of you and your spouse, are gone. Who you thought you were and what you thought you were all about are all in question. Your self-esteem has taken a beating. Perhaps if you were the one who was "let go" you begin to wonder what it is that is wrong with you.

All the well wishers (or nay-sayers) who tell you to "just get over it and move on with your life" don't have a clue...They don't have a clue about the depression, the sense of loss, the mourning, and the sometimes unbearable loneliness you feel. Often there is a sense of guilt. In a divorce there is plenty of blame to pass around and most often can be attributed to both sides. You don't "just get over it!" It is a healing process that can sometimes take years. Perhaps if abuse or other painful issues were involved, it may take a very long time.

Divorce is painful, no matter whose fault it was, if you can even place fault somewhere. You have to really "feel" the pain, experience the grief and the loss before you will ever be free to move on and begin to live again. Once you let yourself grieve, then you can begin to heal. This is not to say that you won't have moments of relapse. You definitely will!

Remembering you are a person of worth can sometimes be difficult, regardless of the amount of friends, social standing, education and money you may or may not have. None of these things mean a whole lot when it comes to dealing with the pain of divorce. I can't give any "written in stone" advice. You just have to do what works for you. Some people find a divorce freeing and they begin to pursue areas of their lives they had long neglected, developing new friendships, careers and other interests. Others find peace by staying somewhat to themselves for a time. Time is needed to heal. No one way of dealing with divorce is the right way. We all have different methods of coping.

I suppose the best advice I can give is, don't give up! You will get through it. No, your life will never be the same again. You are going to have to establish new goals and let go of old dreams. It is always difficult saying goodbye to a dream, but you will have new dreams. Find your own peace and begin to live again. That is the best advice I can give...