The Pain of Losing Loved Ones

Seeing the tears of friends at funerals would make me cry with them because I could understand the pain they were experiencing at their loss. The difference was that when I got back home, I could carry on as usual without anything else having changed in my own life. I could leave the sorrow behind; else even though I could empathise with what had happened to them.

This is what I couldn't do and will never be able to do when I heard the news that my father had passed away. Even though it happened 11 years ago, I remember the day as if it was yesterday. I remember the shock and the pain I felt when I heard the news. Even though I knew that no one could have made a mistake about such a thing, one part of me wished with all my heart that it was all a mistake. Someone had given me the wrong news and my father was fine.

Well it was no mistake, he had passed away, he had passed away within seconds. One minute he had been talking to family and the next minute he walked into the world that we cannot see, a world from where no one comes back to tell us things.

The long journey back home was never ending and as I was sitting on the plane my tears were flowing. I had people around me and yet it was the loneliest journey I have ever had to make. This journey had started out in sorrow and was to end in sorrow. A journey unlike previous journeys where the first familiar face I would see was my father standing in the airport lounge waiting for me. On seeing his smiling face, the tiredness of the long plane journey would soon be forgotten and I would only feel happiness and relief.

This time I left the airport alone and made my way to our family home alone. It was an almost surreal experience and yet it was very real. My tears reminded me of that every second. I remember how painful the days leading up to the funeral were. There were times I could have screamed at the people around to leave me alone so I could understand what was going on inside of me but in our culture that does no happen. Relatives and friends come and go as they please, no matter what the time of day is and they stay for as long as they want. They mean well but sometimes you just want to sit alone with close family to share your loss together.

It has been 11 years since my father was laid to rest but I remember him every day. This is the beauty of sharing wonderful times with your loved ones when they are around you because these are the memories that will keep alive long after they have gone. You lose your loved ones in a physical sense but the good times you have spent together live within you for ever.

I feel lucky to have known a soul like him even if it was for a limited time. Over the years the pain of losing him has lessened. But when I attend a funeral of a friend or acquaintance the pain of his loss comes flooding back because I relive those memories all over again.

'You came into my life not just to be my father but also to be my teacher because through you I learnt how to be a good human being....'