The Perfect Suicide Device - the Cigarette

With years of experience, the tobacco industry has finally perfected the ultimate suicide device! If anyone is interested in committing suicide, this is the best device in town. Check this out! The ultimate suicide stick a.k.a. The Cigarette.

Built like a slim cylindrical stick that is only 6cm long, it is compact and easy to carry around, yet it contains at least 4000 poisons. These suicide sticks usually come in packs of 20.

The cigarette incorporates all the best poisons known to mankind; tar, arsenic, ammonia, naphthalene, carbon monoxide and hydrogen cyanide, all rolled into one stick. The amount of poison contained in just one stick is probably enough to kill a small animal.

The cigarette starts its killing process the moment you take your first puff. When you suck on the deadly device like a straw and breathe deeply, the gaseous poisons begin to flood your system. The major organs eg. the lungs, the brain and the kidneys will start to die a little each time you puff. And because your brain cells get addicted to the nicotine, one of the 4000 harmful chemicals in the cigarette, you will continue to smoke and this ensures that you get thoroughly poisoned with time.

The likelihood of you dying from cancer of the mouth, throat, lungs or bladder is almost guaranteed if you smoke regularly.

The cigarette also damages blood vessels in the heart and ensures successful death by shutting down blood supply to the heart and causing a heart attack. Death can also occur by another efficient way - the cigarette toxins cause a clot to form in a major blood vessel, leading to a stroke and brain death.

It has been scientifically proven that for all those who wish to die young, smoking is the most efficient method to kill themselves. However, a point to note is that due to the high cost of cigarettes these days, it's also an expensive method to die.

10 Cool Quit Tips To Help You Stay Free Again!

Tip #1 - Find your own reasons for quitting

Make a list of the reasons (Note: your reasons to quit can be very different from your friends') for quitting. Here are some examples:

Save enough money to buy an MP3 player: cut out a photo of the MP3 player and stick it on the list

Improve uncontrollable acne outbreaks: take a photo of your bad skin and put it on a list next to a cut-out from a magazine showing flawless skin

Improve your stamina in sports: have a photo of your favourite sports idol on the list

When you feel like smoking, look at the pictures and remind yourself why you want to quit smoking!

Tip #2 - Choose your own quit method

There are two methods to quit smoking so you should try them out and see which one works for you.

Method A - Just Stop It!: This is the most effective method. Set a date and 'Just stop it!'. Throw away all your lighters and cigarettes and make a decision to stay away from your smoker friends for a while.

Method B - Countdown to 'Zero': Reduce the number of cigarettes you smoke each day until you are down to zero. Cut down by two cigarettes each day and replace the 'missing' cigarettes with a fruit, sit-ups or chats with a friend on the phone. All these will distract you from thinking about smoking while you countdown to 'zero'.

Tip #3 - Form your quit gang

Set up a support group of friends and family members beforehand (your Quit Gang) to keep you company and engage in activities with you during your quit period. Exclude all smokers from this support group (for the time being). Make the 'Quit Gang' promise not to give in to you when you beg them for a cigarette during your moment of weakness. They need to be cruel to be kind!

Tip #4 - Set your quit date

Set a date to quit! Be kind to yourself and don't set one that is just before a stressful event e.g. an exam or a class test. It may be a good idea to choose a quit date during the school holidays. Mark this important date on your calendar or programme it into your handphone.

Tip #5 - Design your battle plan

It's useful to sit down and plan what you will be doing during the quit period. Analyse your own smoking patterns and identify triggers that make you want to smoke. Draft a "battle plan" to avoid these triggers and make a list of things you would do to cope with cravings. Rope in your Quit Gang for ideas and suggestions on how they can help you.

Tip #6 - Avoid the landmines

Survival Tips

While you fight the cravings, there are some things you can do to help you pull through. The basic principle is to avoid the "landmines" and survive. Avoid putting yourself in temptation and beat the craving with activities that distract you. Here are five 'D's that can help you:

Delay: Just hang in there and ignore the craving to smoke. The craving will go away in a few minutes. Repeat "I can beat this!" over and over again while you us this delay tactic to boost your morale.

Deep breathing: Keep taking slow deep breaths to calm your nerves (closing your eyes and listening to soothing music may help).

Drink water: Take plain water each time the craving hits you and you can literally drink away the craving. Try fruit juices occasionally if you prefer. This will also help you flush away the poisons in your system. But, be prepared to visit the toilet more frequently.

Do something else: Distract yourself by punching a pillow, doing sit-ups, playing a fast-paced computer game. Just distract yourself in any way you can! To keep yourself smoke-free while trying to quit, sign up for new activities with a friend. Take up soccer, learn pottery, play table tennis or bathe your dog. Keep busy and avoid idle periods when you simply sit around and dream about smoking.

Discuss: Talk to a close friend (make sure this person is not a smoker) about your thoughts and feelings on quitting. Focus on the positives e.g. what you stand to gain by quitting smoking, how much you have achieved.

Smoke Buster Survival Kit: It is not a bad idea to put together a 'Smoke Buster Survival Kit' to use during your quit period. Include a day-to-day roster of activities that you can do with each member of your Quit Gang so that you are occupied each day. Carry low sugared sweets and bottled water with you to fight your cravings. Borrow soothing music CDs from your friends and pack that into your survival kit. Now you are geared up to survive!

Tip #7 - The cold turkey

You may experience withdrawal symptoms when you stop smoking because your body is addicted to nicotine. These withdrawal symptoms are temporary and although unpleasant to go through, they will not harm you at all. If you do experience them, do not panic, just hang in there and they normally disappear after two days. Examples include: feeling tired, getting nervous, easily irritated, craving for cigarettes, cough and headache.

Tip #8 - Get positive

When the going gets tough, the tough gets positive! During your quit journey, there may be low points when you feel like giving up but this is when you need reminders that 'you will succeed'. Always remember your reasons for quitting and focus on the 'rewards' coming your way. Verbally repeating statements like "I can beat smoking!" will keep you motivated and also help take your mind off cigarettes.

Tip #9 - Claim your rewards

It's a big achievement to quit the habit so give yourself a treat for every month that you remain smoke-free. Buy yourself a new computer game, get a nice dress or throw a party with your friends as a reward. Give yourself a good pat on the back for your achievement because you have overcome a difficult challenge.

Tip #10 - Give yourself second chances if need be

We all need a little help along the way in every challenging situation and staying smoke-free is certainly a challenge. So, whatever help you need, just feel free to get it! And if you slip up and smoke again, don't worry, just try and quit again.