The Plunger in the Porcelain Throne

Hello, I am a porcelain throne. Normally when I am flushed, the water in my bowl goes strait down-but not today. No...I am clogged with...how can I put this delicately? Well, you know the old saying: "All good things must come to an end-such is the nature of digestion."

When good things come to the end and then out the end (splash), I make sure they travel downhill into the sewer pipes.

Sir Gluteus Maximus is my owner. If he fails to unclog me soon, I will give him a red stain on his buttocks the next time he sits on me. I'm not kidding! Additionally, like Noah, he will need to build an arc next time he flushes me.

Sir Gluteus Maximus

I love to sit on my porcelain throne, and read books and magazines while I am...eh hem...building a flies' nest. However, I am feeling a little raw around the edges of my bun-cushions. I think it is time to flush (WOOOSHHHH!).

Uh oh! My bun-cushions are getting all wet! There is nothing more indisputably perturbing than the feeling of a wet fecal matter massage! Uh oh! Cancel the trip to Niagara Falls! Holy excremental exclamations! Cancel the trip to Lake Erie! The drought is over! Man the pumps!

Thank the porcelain gods that I have a Chicago Specialty Li'l Rose Toilet Plunger.

Specifications

Handle: wood
Cup and Rim: rubber
Power Source: cordless
Connection Threads: 4

Operation and Use

1. Take handle in hand with the cup facing down.
2. Secure your other hand around the handle.
3. Cover the toilet bowl hole with the cup.
4. Pump hard and vigorously.

My Porcelain Throne

Oh yeah! That's it! Right there! Right there! Harder! Faster! Deeper! Oh yes...yes....YESSSSS!!!!! Oh baby, that was so good! Thank you, I feel so much better now that the clog has been removed.

How It Works

The rubber cup and rim seal out the air around the drain you are trying to unclog. When you apply pressure, it creates a vacuum. Since nature abhors a vacuum, the matter that is clogging your drain will compensate by moving toward the vacuum thus dislodging itself from the clogged area.

Sir Gluteus Maximus

This plunger works OK for minor clogs in the porcelain throne, the kitchen and bathroom sinks. For more serious clogs, an auger does the job better. However, I keep this plunger next to my porcelain throne because it is easier to use. I have used this plunger on several occasions and can vouch that the basic wooden handle has not given me splinters.

The cup and rim provide a nice tight seal around the hole or drain for maximum suction. It is also easy to clean. Simply unscrew the handle at the connection, then wash the rubber cup in the sink with soap and water. Screw the handle back on when you are finished cleaning. It is easy as pie. :-)

Where To Buy

I bought this plunger at a local mom-and-pop hardware store and paid around $4.99. It does not seem to be widely available.

Sir Gluteus Maximus To the Rescue

I have a neighbor whose husband was away fighting in the war in Iraq. She and her teenage daughter tend to get panicky and scatter-brained whenever there is a crisis. On one particular occasion, a rat had somehow made its way up their sewer pipe into their toilet bowl.

How do I know all this? Easy, they hollered, "Come over here quick! There's a RAAAAT in our toilet!" That sort of clued me in. I took my trusty plunger as I walked over to their place. When I got there, the bathroom door was shut-they were afraid that the rat would escape into the house.

OK then, I carefully opened the bathroom door and went in. The beady-eyed varmint was sitting on the toilet seat like he was the king of all varmints. I struggled to recall the operating instructions for using the plunger, but then realized this was not a clogged toilet I was dealing with.

I had to improvise. I whacked the rat with the rubber end of the plunger, and the rat let out an "EEK!" as it fell into the bowl (splash). I thought of leaving and coming back with a baseball bat since the plunger did not seem like it could kill this varmint from the sewers of Hades.

I couldn't leave, though. I pushed on the bathroom door, and my neighbor and her daughter were pushing from the other side! They would not let me out because they were afraid that the rat might get out and terrorize them.

At that point, I realized I had to make do with the plunger. So I turned the plunger around, going against all conventions and operating instructions. I then beat that varmint with the wooden handle until it was in a spasm and finally dead as a Christopher Lambert movie.

Conclusion

This plunger is not all that different from other brands of plungers I have tried. Practically any plunger you buy will be just as good. That is why I rate it three stars.

This plunger is not only good for fixing minor plumbing clogs, it is good for clubbing varmints. If you search the web, you can also find many web sites that feature plunger juggling. This plunger probably has other uses as well-just use your imagination.