The Polk County Youth Shelter Closes

Admittedly, when I first read about the Polk County youth shelter closing, my first concern was for the people who work with this area's youth population-- people who need their jobs. Immediately thereafter was concern for the kids-- what will happen to all of those kids? Some information from that first article, and a statement in a follow-up article, resulted in this article.

The statement struck me as it was one I'd heard repeatedly since I came to this area. The statement: the kids will be "well taken care of." When I landed in this area, that's the phrase I heard from countless numbers of individuals who liked to talk about, and even brag about, their kids. Clueless about this kind of environment and lifestyle, each person to whom I presented the question "Where are they?" replied "They're being well taken care of." The unspoken end of that statement was always "by somebody else." None of these were situations where short-term arrangements were from necessity; in each instance, kids from toddlers to teens were being "well taken care of- by somebody else" because of their biological parents' "lifestyles."

However-- the info from the first article was the real eye-opener. Unfortunately, I'm willing to bet not one other person who read it did more than brush past it without a second thought: the Polk County Youth Shelter has been there for 102 years. Meaning: while nothing was said about what was going on before then, this region has seen, recognized, and dealt with the need for out-of-home youth care for more than a century.

There's an old saying about the forest and the trees. As the "lifestyle" has existed for generations, no one seems to think it unusual, much less something to be addressed. After all, there is no other way of life when one has never seen any other way of life. Maybe it's time for an "outsider" to say that this area truly needing youth services for more than a century because parents do not do their jobs, is not acceptable.

The first mistake: in this region, non-maternal childcare has been "the way" for generations. On one hand, poor people are forced to turn their infants over to "daycare," and on the other hand, wealthier people are prodded to believe their own wants and 'self-fulfillment" should be a higher priority than their own children. Mothers providing everyday care to their youngsters is virtually unheard of.

A child's basic personality and identity are set before a child reaches three years of age. When "somebody else" replaces a child's mother, there are countless short-term and long-term complications. First, a youngster who does not have the chance to bond with his mother during those early years cannot bond with other people in later life. Second, when early childhood socialization does not begin in the home, it is not something that can be learned or taught in a daycare. Third, youngsters who do not develop their first base of trust within their own families do not learn to distinguish who is trustworthy and who is not in the outside world. Fourth, mothers who do not provide appropriate time and attention to their babies do not develop the ability to recognize their own babies' needs.

The second mistake: children, and even adolescents, are not "adults with fewer years." They are people with fewer years than adults. In a normal, healthy person, the human brain is not fully developed until the person reaches approximately twenty-seven years of age. This is why children and adolescents need parents-- or, a word that is often misused, parenting.

Think of life as being like a ladder: children and teens need parental guidance in order to successfully move from one "rung" to another, reaching adult age reasonably mature and stable. In this region, neglect of these parental responsibilities has been "the way" for generations. I have met many people who are almost old enough to be my parents, and what they described as their childhoods and adolescent years is nothing short of appalling. The first problem involves youngsters who range from being allowed to being forced to carry on their lives as if they were actually adults. From illegal drug use, alcohol use, sexual activity, and dropping out of school, to "shacking up" with their boyfriends/girlfriends which in many cases resulted in unplanned babies of their own. The message this gives to kids: "Take on adult situations which you are not prepared for-- and somebody else will be responsible for the consequences."

At its absolute worst, one of the "consequences" is the endless stream of babies and little children who are killed in these "living together" situations. As the so-called adult population believes early sexual activity is fine, and living together is fine, these are the results of 'rights' without responsibilities. When they are told they can and should have the "benefits" without the commitment, "arrangements" based on convenience can become deadly. When individuals are not mature enough nor stable enough to make a full commitment to the person they are living with, they're not going to deal well with the normal everyday demands of an infant or young child, either. Yet young people are urged to stay unmarried, even if they have children. When the youth population did not receive adequate parental guidance in order to grow up responsible and stable, the result is young adults who are not prepared for parenthood, and are only adults by their chronological ages. Currently "in the news," twenty-two-year-old Jonas Neiderbach was sentenced this morning to 50 years in prison for his role in the 2009 abuse of his infant son; his girlfriend, Jherica Richardson, is already serving a sentence for her role. The abuse of Ethan Neiderbach, when he was only a couple of weeks old, was so severe that he has numerous physical impairments and will never function normally. The question is not where were Jonas's and Jherica's parents when the ongoing abuse occurred-- the question is where were they in the decades prior to it. Twenty-year-olds should be adults; twenty-year-olds should be prepared for the responsibilities of parenting; yet with the inadequate parental guidance so common in this region, they are not.

The next repercussion of non-parenting: the human brain not being fully developed is the reason young people are notorious risk-takers. One aspect of this is the natural response of "living in the moment." Teens and young adults do not yet have a concrete sense of mortality. This is why risk-taking behavior, and even suicide, is more common in the young. When youngsters whose brains are yet fully developed are already "into" abusing drugs and alcohol, it exacerbates the problem-- not only for the moment, but permanently. Yet in this region, youngsters are led to believe alcohol and drug abuse are so commonplace that no one can go through life without it. Thus youngsters who have not yet begun to "experiment" are less likely to shun it, and those who have developed problems are less likely to take getting adequate help seriously.

Unfortunately, the state upholds the notion that kids are merely small-sized adults, and should conduct themselves as if they were adults. This state allows fourteen-year-olds to get behind the wheel of a vehicle, and the only requirement for attaining full licenses is to continue driving until they reach a certain age. Driver's Education or Safety courses are not mandatory. This is one reason why this region has an outrageously high rate of vehicular accidents amongst young people-- including many fatalities. When teens die in vehicular accidents, they do not get a second chance-- their lives are over, and the futures they should reasonably have been able to expect will not happen. Yet this is another consequence of handing adult responsibilities to young people with no preparation for deal with it.

In addition to risk-taking that can literally end their lives, the normal instinct of the young to live in the moment brings up another reason for parenting: teens are not yet equipped with the ability to make decisions that have the potential to affect the rest of their lives. One example is the most recent statistics I read stated the largest percentage of drop-outs in this area are kids who are not yet legally old enough to quit school. The reason you may often hear about how great the high school graduation rate is, is because so many kids drop out before they begin high school! The point: these days, especially, an education is not only a good thing-- it's a necessity. The live-in-the-moment teens who quit school are not thinking about ten years from now, or twenty years from now-- they may be thinking about a class, a teacher, a fellow student they dislike; that they'd prefer to do something "fun" with their days; or perhaps have acquired a job they think will carry them through the rest of their lives. Keeping kids in school so they have the best chance at good futures is the parent's responsibility.

The third mistake: while youngsters are "people with fewer years than adults," they're also people. When not acknowledging this, too many of the adult-aged population miss the logical "Treat people the way you would choose to be treated," and look at it as "Treat people the way you were treated." One mindboggling aspect of this is the way they somehow see needless suffering as positive. Life is not always easy-- life consists of everyday challenges, and sometimes challenges that are even more difficult. However, the key word there is "needless." Contrary to their belief, needless suffering does not "build character;" and needless suffering does not lead to "independence." Instead of "building character" it builds resentment, antagonism, hatred; instead of leading to "independence," it leads to both knowing one is totally alone in the world, and having no compassion for other human beings.

I could ask any of the individuals in this area "When you were a child, who took care of you when you were sick or injured?" and be almost certain every reply would be "no one" or "myself." This is why they did not grow up to care about their fellow human beings-- because no one cared about them. With that kind of history, is it any wonder they lack the emotional capacity to care for their own children?

In addition to not having normal parental instinct to prevent needless suffering, it is often caused. I cannot count the number of times I've personally heard, and read in the newspaper, comments about this area's awful weather conditions, along the lines of endangering children's lives by expecting them to ride buses when roadways are so ice-covered that 'regular people' are warned to stay off them, and saying kids should still walk to school even if the sub-zero temperatures prompt news reporters to tell 'regular people' to not go outside at all or risk hypothermia and frostbite. It seems too many locals do not believe kids' lives and health deserve the same consideration as anyone else, as kids in these situations have been dismissed as "sissies," "lily-livers," and similar terms.

The bottom line: your child's life, health, safety, moral well-being, and education, are your responsibilities as a parent. For far too many, it's a matter of the good-hearted people at youth services are taking care of your kids because you're not doing it. Or, more to the point, because too many believe they have the 'right' to have kids, without taking on the responsibilities connected to being a parent.

If you want to call yourself a parent, this begins by giving your kids your time and attention. It does not mean expecting daycare centers or the public school system to do your job. It does not mean handing your kids over to someone else to take care of while you're out drinking, doing drugs, or all the other aspects of this so-called lifestyle. It also does not mean admitting you're a failure as a parent by beating your kids because your only concern is "obedience."

Second, if you want today's-- and tomorrow's-- youth to have a chance, stop lying to them. That would be a good start. Quit telling them this lifestyle is not only 'right' but 'normal,' because it is not. Whether it's a matter of being 'in denial,' ignorance of the facts, or intentional lying, it's not only taking away kids' chances for good lives now, it's destroying their chances for a future. The statistics I acquired a couple of years ago included: "8% of American adults who have made alcohol a part of their lives are alcoholics;" "4.9% of adult American women and 8.7% of adult American men are illegal drug users;" what this means is the adult-aged population who loudly insist 'everybody' is either 'using' it or 'recovering' from it is not in the majority at all. You can add "approximately 6% of American adults have a mental illness," and possibly begin to wonder why there is such a disproportionaly high rate of that in this region, too. Alcoholism, drug addiction, mental illnesses-- these problems represent only a tiny fraction of the American population at large, yet you all want young people to believe they represent 'everybody.' Now why is that??

In "dancing down denial road" by claiming these problems represent 'everybody,' you are unable to recognize and acknowledge how abnormal and destructive it all is. In not being able to see that most people in the United States of America do not have those problems, and in not being able to see that most people in the United States of America did not make the mistakes attached to this kind of lifestyle, you're blowing the younger generation's chances to live their lives without those problems and mistakes.

If it's hard enough to see flocks of young people drifting around like rootless little leaves, all it takes is looking at the older generation to see the reason for it. Even the oldest people, with their voices breaking and sometimes with tears in their eyes, say "My parents did the best they could." No, they didn't. If former generations of parents in this area truly had done the best they could, today's older generations would be mature, stable, and responsible enough to be setting the right example for today's youth. As this is not the case, this is why the need for the Polk County youth center and services continues. While the "lifestyle" has made it essential, closing it will be a disaster.

Why? because the Polk County youth shelter has not existed for 102 years for the sake of "a couple of kids, here & there;" it represents a consistent, ongoing need. It also symbolizes all that is wrong with this area, this environment, this lifestyle. For the sake of this and future generations, it's past time to address the reasons why the Polk County youth shelter is absolutely necessary. And to those who participated in the shelter losing its funding to remain open, here's an old line for you: "Are you stoned, or just stupid?"?!

Why such an abrasive viewpoint? because those who remark that closing the shelter is really no big deal want you to believe there are solid options for the homeless youth population to be "well taken care of." They want you to believe all those kids are either criminals or abuse victims, whose needs will be appropriately met by detention facilities or the foster care system. They do not want you to know about all the runaways and throwaways whose needs cannot be met by either of those options-- because they don't want you to know there is a legitimate reason to keep the Polk County youth shelter open.