The Postnatal Truth

There are literally thousands of books, magazines and articles on the subject of pregnancy and birth. And when I was pregnant with my first child, I probably read a good portion of what's available. But each pregnancy is individual and no amount of reading material or advice can prepare you for what it's really like.

As a mom of four, I can tell you that not only were each of my pregnancies different than what I'd heard about, they were also very different from each other. One area I wished I'd had more accurate information on is what happens postnatally, or after we give birth. Not many sources seem to touch on how very difficult it can be to care for those bundles when our own bodies are still healing from bringing them into the world.

Allow me to share a few things with you that I'd wished others had told me the first time around. You may not experience any of these things but, at the very least, you'll know what's going on and know how to handle it:

Engorgement happens whether you breastfeed or not: Engorgement is when the breasts become overfull with milk. It can be extremely painful for some women-especially those with fibrous or "lumpy-bumpy" breasts. What you may not know is that our milk will still come in whether or not we choose to use it. And if the milk isn't being used, it will continue to come in until the body realizes it and stops producing it. This makes the breasts swollen and sore. Fortunately, it only lasts for a day or two. The best ways I've found to battle engorgement are using ibuprophen to reduce swelling or, if you aren't able to take aspirin, Tylenol. I found putting cabbage leaves in a snug-fitting bra helps a lot (keep those leaves nice and cool in the fridge!) Ice packs also work well. Be sure to watch for a rise in temperature or any fluids, besides milk or colostrum, leaking out. These can be a signs of infection.

Breastfeeding isn't as easy as it seems. Breastfeeding is a skill that both moms and babies have to learn. Babies do have natural sucking and rooting instincts but some have trouble with latching or other difficulties. It can be a frustrating time in the beginning-for both mom and baby. But if you stick with it, and seek help from a lactation specialist when required, things usually work themselves out. Just relax, stay positive and try not to give up, if it's what you want to do. But also don't be hard on yourself if things don't work out. Some women simply aren't able to breastfeed-I'm one of them. You can still bond with your baby and they'll still grow up health and strong if you must formula feed instead. I have four gorgeous, healthy and active children who were all formula fed! Breast is best but formula babes are great too.

Unpleasant surprises happen when you laugh, cough or sneeze. Incontinence isn't funny or fun but it can occur due to the vaginal muscles being stretched out after giving birth or if you needed to have a catheter (such as if you had an epidural.) Most times incontinence is only temporary. Try doing some strengthening exercises, such as Kegel exercises.

The belly bulge is still there. One thing that's especially shocking for some women is that their baby bump doesn't instantly flatten out after baby comes out as it does in soap operas or movies. In fact, your tummy will look similar to what it did at about five or six months when you leave the hospital. Be easy on yourself, though. After all, it took nine months for your tummy to get big and beautiful and it'll take awhile for it to go back down. Ease back into your workout routine, eat healthy, drink lots of water and allow your body to heal thoroughly.

Sex can be much different. For some women, getting their sex life back after they get the go-ahead from their doctor is no problem. For others, there is a huge difference. Several of my close friends shared my complaint that sex can be quite uncomfortable, even painful, after having a baby. The specific reason can be different for each woman but generally your body had a little person in there for many months who moved everything around. Even the action of pushing baby out, what the doctors had to do to repair any tearing or episiotomies during birth, or how your body healed can change your reproductive areas. The best thing to do is be open with your partner about how your body is feeling. Maybe simply trying different positions or discussing how to help relax you for sex can make things better. If the problem is more along the lines of lack of interest or desire for sex, be sure to talk to your doctor, as this could be a sign of other problems (such as hormone problems.)

Bonding with baby isn't always instantaneous. As hard as it may be to believe, some women don't feel that instant baby love. If you are having a difficult healing time, baby is colicky or fussier than usual or you are overwhelmed, bonding with your baby can be a challenge. My first child was born with severe sensory issues (which we didn't find out about until she was much older) so bonding with her was hard. Once your body is better, and baby starts to get used to life outside your body, things usually work themselves out. Never be scared to discuss concerns with someone. If you are really struggling with wanting to get close to baby, it could be a sign of post-partum depression. Never be afraid to get help if you need it.

They may be small, but they can be exhausting. Babies are beautiful but they can also be hard to care for. Be sure you have strong support and help. You can't be a good mom to your baby if you aren't getting the proper rest, nutrition and mental breaks you need. Don't be afraid to reach out when you need it.

These are the main things I wished I'd known about ahead of time. Some final words of wisdom are to simply educate yourself as much as possible by asking questions, learning from those who have more experience, expressing any concerns to your OB/GYN and surrounding yourself with people who support you. Caring for yourself and your baby is even more important after birth. Never be afraid to seek out that care if/when you need it.