The Power of Negative Thinkin'

Misspelled words and bad grammar in this review are done on purpose to simulate the western dialect of this author.

Howdy Pardner!

Once upon a time thar was two gold miners: Slim and Jim. They was up in Northern California somewheres, but nowheres in particular. Ya see, when ya dig fer gold, and ya ain't got a clue what yer doin', one spot is as good as the next.

Now Slim and Jim was pardners and best friends. They was diggin' in this one spot fer quite a spell. Slim was gettin' a might impatient cause they ain't struck gold yet. "Dag nabbit!" hollered Slim. "We been diggin' at this spot since the sun hit my mule's left butt cheek!"

"Well when the sun hits yer mule's right butt cheek, we'll take in some water and grub," Jim replied, "but fer now lets keep diggin'."

"I reckon we should find a new spot!" hollered Slim. "Some whars where thars dirt, and not solid rock!"

"Why does ya have ta be so NE-GA-TIVE, Slim? Why, when the goin' gits tough, do ya has ta act like a squirrel is crawlin' up yer long johns? Why ain't ya got a PO-SI-TIVE AT-TI-TUDE like me?"

"To hell wid you, Jim! I'm gonna go dig somewheres where thar be some soft dirt!"

Well, two life-long friends and pardners jest went thar separate ways. Kinda reminds me of the time when my wife hit me upside the head with a frying pan and told me to git! But that's another story...now...where was I? Oh yeah, Slim did find some soft dirt ta dig in. After a spell, he STRUCK IT RICH!

"Yeeeehaaaa!" he hollered (Slim was never subtle). "I'm rich! I'm RICH!!" Slim became so rich from his goldmine, that he went into the nearest town to fulfill his life long dream: He begun one of California's first diet and fitness centers. That's how Slim's name became SY-NO-NY-MOUS with losin' the lard in yer storehouse (losin' weight).

Right about now yer probably wonderin' what ever happened to Slim's ex-pardner and ex-best friend Jim?
Well Jim, bein' the positive feller that he is, kep on diggin' in that same rocky spot where he done started. He finally grew old and dropped dead on that very spot.

So much for positive thinkin'.

Sometimes if ya wanna get ahead, ya got ta know when ta quit what yer doin' and start fresh somewhars else. That's why I believe in the power of negative thinkin'. Why heck! Even positive folks are negative about somethin'. Do ya know what that somethin' is?

It's negativity. That's right. Positive folks are negative about negativity. You might say that positive people are really jest double-negative people.

Negativity can be a good thang. If you say NO to the thangs that waste yer time and do ya harm, yer better off, ain't ya?

If ya think positive and keep tellin' yerself that ya can jump off a cliff and fly, then ya need to develop a negative attitude.

I reckon it's about time fer me ta quit writin', and go fix me some grub. I know what yer thinkin': winners never quit. Well they do if they don't wanna starve!

The power of negative thinkin' wins again! Yeeeeehaaaaaw!