The Power of Negative Thinking on Your Subconscious Mind

I was born the sixth of seven children in a lower middle class family almost seventy years ago. My father was a self-styled preacher of "The Word of God." Among the first things he instilled in my subconscious was that I am a "Sinful Creature" and that I must forever "Repent" and be punished for my sins. My mother was a good woman who worked hard to keep the family together. We never had to go on welfare like some of the people in the neighborhood did. If my father hadn't wasted a very good brain on religion, life would have been much better for all nine of us. When I was three or four years old, the younger of us were left to fend for ourselves. Among my earliest memories is my next older sibling, my brother, taking me down on the floor, sitting on top of me, and pounding on my eyes. He is almost two years older than I am so I stood little chance of any effective defense against his superior size.

Later, when I went to my mother, who was working as a clerk in a store at the time, she didn't give me a chance to explain. She told me to go back home and stop crying because it was causing my eyes to swell up. This whole episode was one of the greatest tragedies of my life. We didn't have television because it was a new technology in the "forties" and no one in the neighborhood could afford nor had one. I don't know if anyone in the whole city had one. I was about twelve the first time I ever saw a television. We, the boys in our neighborhood, spent our after school time either trying to earn some money or playing baseball. My goal in life was to become a professional baseball player.

When I was six or seven years old the beating of my eyes by my older brother caused me to become severely near-sited and I had to wear glasses. The boys from my neighborhood were trying to survive in a cruel world and either were, not talented enough, not interested in "Little League", or were too busy for it. When I was eight or nine, I decided that I was a good baseball player so I went across the river to the park where they were having "Little League" try-outs. I was assigned to a team and went to the first practice. When we were sitting on the ground the coach singled me out and said, "You may as well go home, I ain't having no four-eyed kid on my team!" Several of the other boys just laughed and I cried all the way home. Having learned early in life that it doesn't do any good to complain, I kept that bottled up inside me for most of my life.

When I was a teenager, I began to realize that I was a looser in the genetic lottery. I was smaller than average and have never exceeded the strapping height of five foot seven inches. That was the final nail in the coffin of my dreams of becoming a professional athlete. Naturally, I became a rebellious teen-ager and wasn't at all interested in school. I started smoking when I was fourteen. I lived in New York State so the drinking age was eighteen rather than twenty-one. You could buy liquor or drink in a bar if you had a "Draft Card." I got a "Draft Card" when I was sixteen and started drinking. I did manage to graduate from high school and went into the military.

I've had mostly all "Bad Luck" and very little "Good Luck" for nearly seventy years. If I had had just half of the "Luck" that the average person has, I think my life would have been enjoyable. After over twenty-five years of smoking I managed to quit. They didn't have patches nor gum at that time. I had to go "Cold-Turkey" and succeeded. About ten years later my cousin, who was about the same age as I was, died of the complications of smoking. If I hadn't quit, I'd be dead too. Maybe he's better off than I am.

During my years in the military, I found and read a copy of Norman Vincent Peale's "The Power of Positive Thinking." My problem was that I had spent my life "Negative Thinking." I have tried again and again to practice "Positive Thinking" but the sick subconscious desire for bad things to happen to me has been so powerful that I have had no success in trying to overcome it. Every time I thought that I was overcoming my subconscious, something bad would happen to me that destroyed my efforts. Norman Vincent Peale was right, but overcoming your subconscious is not just a matter of deciding that it's the problem. If your life is one of bad things happening to you, you can and should try to overcome your subconscious. I wish you more success than I've had.

I have been to psychiatrists and psychologists to try to overcome my sick subconscious expectation to be punished with bad luck. The last one I saw was at a period when my wife and I were about broke after the company that I was working for laid me off after being bought out by a bigger company. I was the next to last person to be hired in the department I was in. They laid off two of us. Like most of the others, the psychologist tried to convince me that I was only imagining that I have "Bad Luck" instead of trying to help me overcome a sick subconscious. One of the things he asked me was had I ever seen one of the bumper stickers that says "Shit Happens?" I told him that I remembered the first time I saw one on the back of a pick up truck cab and I distinctly remember thinking, "No Shit Dick Tracy, when did you figure that out?" I had a very good opportunity but I needed to travel to another city, too far to drive for a week's training. I would be re-imbursed after the trip. I needed the money to make the trip. My car was too old to borrow any money on it, but my wife's car was new enough. As per usual, "Bad Luck!" My wife had an accident and that ended any hope of borrowing the money. Our credit had been ruined long before that due to "Bad Luck." I went to the psychologist and told him about it and that I wouldn't be seeing him anymore. I wonder if he learned anything from me about his profession. He was doing me no good. I managed to beg the company hard enough that they advanced me the money and I did get the job.

I don't know why God gives you what your subconscious desires or expects, rather than what you consciously want but I have cursed God for many years. You might think that I am being punished for the sin of cursing God, but no amount of "repenting" has ever given me "Good Luck" in life. After years of "Repenting" and trying to live a "Proper Christian" Life, one day I raised my head and middle finger to the heavens and swore, "Damn You God! Damn You God!" I half expected to be struck down with a lightening bolt. Things haven't gotten worse since I often curse God, but they haven't gotten any better either. Even though it hasn't changed my "Luck" it feels good to stand up to the most powerful being in the universe. I am not writing this for pity. I long ago got over the childish desire for pity. I have come to accept the fact that my life will always be filled with "Bad Luck." I am writing it for people who, like me, have had their lives screwed up when they were very young. If bad things happen to you, you're not imagining it like psychologists have tried to make me believe. It's because it's what your subconscious expects or desires. You have my sympathy. People's subconscious' are so powerful that they can do things that atheists believe are impossible. Maybe it will do you some good to know where the problem rests. Instilling a negative subconscious attitude in children, like my father did to me, is the most grievous sin you can commit. In your contact with children, I don't want anyone to live a miserable life like I have. I beg you to try to instill a positive attitude into their subconscious'.