The Pregnant Pizza Man: Sex Education for a Four-Year-Old

My little sister Alie was four years old and liked to speak her mind. It didn't matter what she was thinking; she just spoke it. Most of her spoken thoughts were rather embarrassing, and there is a story for each and every one. This one thought in particular was the most embarrassing, yet humorous. Her four year old mind did not comprehend how such a thought could be so hurtful to another. She also had no clue that men could not be pregnant.

It was a family evening filled with movies, candy, the strong, tempting smell of popcorn, and two extra large pizzas for an extra large family. My sister Haleigh and I had just finished setting the table with plastic forks and paper plates as we heard the doorbell ring. It was the pizza man! My mother rushed down the stairs and grabbed the twenty dollar check she had written earlier. She opened the door and Alie screamed "Pizza! Pizza! Pizza!" as the aroma of bread, pizza sauce, cheese, and pepperonis filled the whole house.

Alie arrived at the door and my mom handed me the pizzas and she handed the pizza man the check. I set the pizzas in the kitchen and came back to the door to get the Pepsi. I saw Alie staring at the pizza man in disbelief. The poor guy was almost as big as the doorframe and had quite a large belly that hung over his black belt and wrinkled pants. My mother handed the two-liter Pepsi to me, and Alie gently placed her tiny hand upon the pizza man's stomach. Alie's thought traveled from her four year old brain to her tongue, and out of her mouth. "There's a baby in that belly!" she exclaimed loudly. Then my mother and I stared at Alie in disbelief as our jaws dropped to the floor.

My mother quickly gathered up her mind (and her jaw) and thought of something to say. "Oh... I'm so sorry," she said "She's been saying this to EVERYONE lately." That was a lie. Then she turned to Alie. "Alie... sweetie... now you know boys can't have babies. Only girls can."

"Oh. Ok Mommy," my sister replied completely unconvinced.

I ran to the kitchen and put the Pepsi on the counter as I tried to hide my laughing. I heard the creaking hinges, and then I heard the click. Then my laughter spilled out and so did my mom's. After our sides had stopped hurting, and we had dried our eyes, she had to have a talk with Alie about what she says to strangers. You never know what will come out of that child's mouth.

That was the first lesson in preschool sex education at our house. Alie learned that men can't possibly have babies and we learned to always be aware of Alie around anyone...even women she though were men and customers at nice restaurants that she wanted to entertain-but those are "Alie stories" for another day!