The Presidential Candidates and an Alien Invasion

Back when Rudi Giuliani was still a Presidential candidate, a kid asked him what he would do as President in case of an alien invasion. The Rock of 9/11 did not hesitate to respond that he would fight them. One wonders how the other candidates would handle this threat.

Barack Obama

Barack Obama, in keeping with the philosophy of the Democratic Party, would try the diplomatic solution. As the alien space ships began to land and disgorge three legged fighting machines, ala World of the Worlds, Obama would conclude that clearly it must have been something we, that is to say, the human race did.

Are the aliens angry because of our space program? Obama would certainly be amenable to shutting it down. Are they angry because of humanity's propensity toward war, oppression, poverty, sexism, racism, and so on? Barack Obama is already pledged to fix all of that.

The mechanics of trying to negotiate, as the aliens began to smash out cities and send whole populations fleeing in terror, would be a challenge. One suspects that radio broadcasts would be tried first, in all languages and perhaps mathematical code. That having failed, perhaps Obama would send a delegation consisting of his Secretary of State, his UN Ambassador, and First Lady Michelle Obama out to one of the fighting machines with a white flag.

After all, everyone understands the white flag. Right?

John McCain

John McCain would behave in the more classic way that as US President always behaves during an alien invasion. The moment the space ships appeared in orbit around the Earth, President McCain, the cabinet, and the Joint Chiefs would be in an undisclosed but heavily buried location. Perhaps, like the President in the Niven and Pournelle novel Footfall, he would have a special advisory committee consisting of science fiction writers. McCain would also put the armed forces on alert and order an evacuation of the major cities.

If he has a chance, President McCain would try to ascertain the aliens' intentions, broadcasting our own peaceful one, with perhaps a request for an alliance against the terrorists. But the moment that the fighting machines emerge, lasers blasting, it would be on. The armed forces would fight, perhaps to the last man. Nukes, poison gas, and even biological weapons would be tried. Even if the aliens win, they would known they would be in a fight. Perhaps McCain would be able to give Bill Pullman's "Independence Day Speech" from the movie of the same name.

Hillary Clinton

Hillary Clinton's approach would be a little bit more subtle. She would relocate to the undisclosed location, try the diplomatic approach, and when the aliens attacked, fight. But she would also put out diplomatic feelers offering the following proposition to the aliens: No need to go rampaging across the countryside with your laser blasters and photon beams. We're willing to surrender under the following terms-Hillary and Bill Clinton would become, in effect, the aliens' native Governors of Earth. Anything the aliens wanted, Hillary and Bill Clinton would get for them. For instance, if the aliens wanted to cull the human race for food, Hillary and Bill Clinton would do the culling for them. Hillary and Bill Clinton would certainly have a few names-Rush Limbaugh for starters-to go on the list of initial livestock if the aliens wanted "to serve man."

Hillary Clinton, while using the alien invasion as a means of getting rid of her enemies, would hunt for a way to backstab the aliens. Biological warfare? Computer viruses? Those bug eyed monsters will have messed with the wrong woman, that's for sure.