The Proper Way to Hold a Jewish Engagement Party

The Te'naim or legal conditions of engagement is a pre-Ketubah contract that sets out the terms of the marriage. The terms discussed in this contact include the date and time of the wedding ceremony and the financial responsibilities of the parents of the bride and groom. After the Te'naim has been read, signed and witnessed the future mothers-in-law smash a plate. This symbolizes their children leaving their homes and taking responsibility for feeding each other. Rabbis in our society often times recommend that this be done in close proximity the wedding. This is recommended because of the binding effect under Jewish law that requires a divorce if the engagement is called off. Some rabbis even recommend that a Te'naim ceremony not be done anymore. Many times it is recommended that the Te'naim be done in close proximity to the wedding. However, due to other Jewish traditions regarding the wedding this limits the ability to have an engagement party following the Te'naim. Thus, many couples decide to forgo the Te'naim and just have an engagement party. Others decide to have a party following the Te'naim ceremony well in advance of the wedding. This is traditional Orthodox Jewish custom.

Jewish Engagement Parties Today.
In our society many couples choose to have the engagement party following the Te'naim. Others choose to forgo the Te'naim and celebrate the engagement with a party only. Either way the engagement party is a great way to bring family and friends of the bride and groom together and make them part of the wedding planning. This is a great opportunity to discuss wedding plans, family history and Jewish tradition. It is also a wonderful opportunity to socialize and celebrate the upcoming union.

Planning the engagement party is typically done by the parents of the bride and groom-to-be. Often times the bride and groom-to-be participate in this planning as well. The parents meet to discuss the terms of the Te'naim if there is going to be a Te'naim ceremony. They then decide on what traditions and food will be incorporated into the engagement party and who will have what financial responsibilities.

Most engagement parties are held well in advance of the wedding ceremony. This is because the Jewish tradition states that the bride and groom are not allowed to see each other one week before the wedding. The bride and groom are also supposed to fast from dusk the day of the ceremony until the wedding ceremony is complete.

They engagement party is generally held at the home of the parents of the groom. The bride and groom can plan on sharing food, drink and good conversation with the guests. Often times the bride and groom-to-be also receive engagement gifts. This is a wonderful time to share memories with family and friends and to begin to create new memories.