The Pros and Cons of Living Together Before Marriage

There's a lot of debate about whether couples should live together before marriage or not. Much of this debate starts with the parents talking to their children trying to convince them of one thing or another. I think it's just a personal choice. My husband and I lived together before we were married. His mother hated it, my mom hated it at first, then was indifferent and finally, was happy about it. Between he and I, we wouldn't have had it any other way. We're happy with our decisions. However, there are always pros and cons to things.

First, let's start with the pros:

You know what you're getting into.
I mean that in every sense. You really get to see who someone is when they're in their own surroundings all the time. Everyone acts differently with their friends than their co-workers than their relatives. The same is true for their place versus someone else's.

You get used to one another's habits.
There are little things my husband used to do that drove me nuts. Did he stop them? No. He still does them. Everyday. I just got used to them and they don't bother me anymore. Had I waited to find all these things out at once after we were married I might have lost my mind or wondered what the hell I had gotten into.

You develop a routine and personal space
As with everything, if you do it long enough it just becomes normal. So, eventually everything becomes pretty much a routine. Now that may sound boring but it really isn't, it's comforting. It's half the reason people get married in the first place, the security in knowing someone else will be there for you, always. It's someone to come home to. By living together first you also develop a sense of personal space. If you just get married you'll be in the "honeymoon phase" and most likely very clingy and needy. This can lead to bad habits of neediness and invasion of space. Just because you're married doesn't mean you don't need space. I'm not saying secrets, just some personal time or personal room that is yours and all yours.

And now, the cons:

You lose the whole excitement of "being married."
I've always heard about the excitement people feel after they get married because suddenly everything is different. If you're going for the "everything is different" feeling you don't want to live together first because not that much changes after marriage. At least for my husband and I not that much changed. We still do the same things and have the same habits, I just realized that I love him even more than I ever knew I could.

Religious fellows beware!
If you're religious then living together before marriage means you are living in sin. You'll have to examine your beliefs and your desires and decide whether one outweighs the other.

You might just be playing house.
I've seen this with some of my friends and I feel sorry for them. They start living with someone while they're just dating and it becomes a fake marriage of sorts but lacks the excitement and thrills that come with an actual commitment. I have also noticed that these couple often become tired of one another and their relationship never progresses. They never become engaged and often break up after a year or more of living together.