The Pros and Cons of Renewing Your Wedding Vows

The pros and cons of renewing your wedding vows need to be considered if you and your spouse are reviewing the possibility of planning such a ceremony or event. It's really not enough just to be caught up in either the romance of saying slurpy words to one another in front of a host of onlookers or in the horror of the exact same scenario. It's a time to try to look at renewing your wedding vows from as unemotional a viewpoint as you can create. I offer these thoughts from the perspective of one who has attended several such gatherings and who is watching as a close relative prepares for a vow renewal in the near future. I am in no sense a "marriage professional" unless you want to count almost 40 years of marriage to the same person.

From the "pro" side of things there are plenty of reasons for the current popularity of renewing your wedding vows. To begin with there is a certain logic to the assertion that after a year or more of marriage you can approach your relationship with one another from a far more mature perspective. After a few years of squabbles, diaper changes, illnesses and bad and good choices, you see one another and your relationship in a way that really was never possible before you made your marriage commitment. You have experienced growth as a couple so why not express the depth of that growth and the accompanying love with a renewal of your marriage vows? It makes sense.

As part of that growing up and together process you have probably also taken time to look back and see your original marital vows as overly romantic, a little less than realistic or at least worthy of little tweaking. By scheduling a ceremony and gathering at which you can renew your vows you give yourselves the gift of revamping your approach and saying things maybe as you wish you had in the first place. Renewing your wedding vows can be the ultimate "do over". You are happy with one another and your marriage so why not take it up a notch and with renewed and improved wedding vows.

If you are renewing your wedding vows in the presence of a family you have brought into the world together and raised then there is another huge reason to renew your wedding vows. Today, marriage and committed relationships don't always get the respect they deserve. Being kind and loving to others, especially your spouse is not always in vogue. Watching enough television will convince you that the only way to "get ahead" is to push others to curb and make your own way. How wonderful for you to have the chance, by renewing your wedding vows, to show your kids and anyone else with eyes and ears who is present that there is incredible value in living a life of committed love to one another, a love that makes you strong not weak and free not shackled. Oh there's a lot you can say and model by renewing your wedding vows in the presence of others.

While some might want to add, that one of the pros to be found in renewing your wedding vows could be that you get lots of gifts and praise ( and there's nothing wrong with either of those things ) what is more to the point is the gift you give to one another. You're not swapping new cars or getaway vacations here ( again, nothing wrong with either of those things either ), you are swapping sincerity, passion, kindness, care, and truthfulness all wrapped up in love.

The biggest pro factor to weigh if you are considering renewing your wedding vows is that you can never, ever vow your love to your husband or wife enough times. It doesn't get old, it just gets better.

But there is another side to renewing your marraige vows. You can call it the practical, no nonsense, independent or cynical side if you wish. But looking at the cons can actually help you to confirm your desire to renew your marriage vows if the cons don't match up with what is in your heart. Also a quick look at the "anti" view also prepares you to deal with objections that may be raised to your plans or alternately may finally convince you all along that renewing your marriage vows is not for you.

To begin at the very most basic point, if you are thinking about renewing your wedding vows you may want to put a stop sign up as you consider honestly, with romance and thoughts of a party to one side, "Is this really necessary?" After all you got married, you said your piece, why the need for repetition. Does someone think someone else is lying here? Did someone not understand the "til death do us part" portion of the program ? If you said it once, and your word is good, shouldn't that really be enough? Sure we will always celebrate our anniversaray, isn't that in a way a form of renewal?

Along the same lines, there is something to be said for leaving a wonderful, precious moment alone and letting it stand in time as it was perhaps meant to be. Renewing your wedding vows can take the same track as all too many sequels. It can never measure up to the original. You are only going to disappoint yourself with planning this kind of repeat performance and in the process possibly partially dismantle the beautiful memory of your wedding day and those special vows you shared.

From a philosophical point of view, one could say that you renew your wedding vows by the way you live each day. Your commitment to one another, being there for each other, loving each other have to do with actions not words. Why say the words again, why not just ramp up your actions if you feel your love needs greater accentuation. Saying the words is just that, saying words.

Perhaps a narrower but not insignificant objection to renewing your wedding vows can be raised by those who reason according to what others might think. From that view point one must wonder about what other people will think and how well you can handle knowing that they may be thinking negative things about you. For example if you are renewing your wedding vows might people not speculate that you think your marriage is better than everyone else's so you are showing off? Or perhaps some will say you decided you need this kind of ceremony just to hold the thing together, your marriage is obviously in trouble. How about the contention that the only reason people have these kinds of events is to collect up another round of gifts or cash? If you don't want to worry about what negative things others might assume from your decision to renew your wedding vows then maybe you should scrap the whole plan.

Practicality suggests that having a renewal ceremony could be expensive, time consuming, anxiety producing so another argument against such a ceremony would ask "do you really need this kind of annoyance at this point in your lives?"

Finally you may be along for the ride up to this point, but before you agree to renew your wedding vows consider how you want to proceed. There is no problem with the two of you standing alone at some favorite location and saying wonderful things to one another. But honestly, do you really want to stand up in front of a bunch of people and open up your heart to your mate. If that's not for you, it's time to find another way to show or say your undying fidelity to one another.

Renewing your wedding vows can honestly be a relationship enhancing experience if it's what you both agree works for you. But before launching into serious preparation consider the pros and cons of renewing your wedding vows.