The Protector / Provider Problem

Why does any man look at a woman and want to protect her and provide for her? At first glance you could say, well he feels affection for her, and wants to care for her. I have thought about this and at first glance it makes sense. You have feelings for the woman , you want the best for her etc. But I've had feelings for a few women and I don't remember ever wanting to provide for them, or be their protector. My feelings we're along the lines of deep affection, admiration, respect, love. Feelings about protecting these women or providing their food, shelter etc. never entered my mind, after all, they are adults with adult minds and capabilities, they have jobs working skills etc. When I think about providing for some one it's when I wonder what it would be like to have children, or if someone got sick or incapacitated. Yet I am told that men want to be the providers and protectors, as if I'm just naturally supposed to feel that way, no questions asked. I guarantee you, this is not the case. If there is an inclination in men to provide and protect it has to be enculturated.

So what is going on with this protect and provide business? I was discussing it with my sister not long ago and she seemed to think it had more to do with control than love. I have wondered similar things about it my self. When I have feelings for a woman I like to think that she can stand on her own two feet and handle life. If a woman is educated and has an interesting career that's part of what excites me about her. If a woman runs a business and had a masters degree in business that's interesting, exciting. It's part of what makes her attractive and alluring, her complexity, intellect and discipline. The thought of a woman so irresponsible and childish that she needs to be taken care of is frankly, repulsive.

So who are the men that look at a woman and think of taking care of her and providing for her? I have only a hypothesis but like my sister, I can only think that the reasoning runs thusly. First, find a woman that you think of as weak and cowardly and of low intelligence but physically attractive If you provide all the food, all the shelter, and she doesn't even have a job, than she will stay with you. Her characteristic of being cowardly will make her want to stay under your control and she will stay with you. Ad to that, her characteristic of low intellect and she will lack resourcefulness and prefer you make the decisions, again she will stay with you. All of these things working together make for the possibility of a grip tight enough that you can now began seeing other women or engage in other irresponsible behavior and she will still stay with you , clean your house, provide you with sex when you want it , cook your food etc. What we have here is not a loving relationship but a kind of bizarre reptilian co-dependency.

In light of this you have to question the validity of the "traditional" family with the husband (caretaker) at the head of the household and the non working female spouse that simply stays home, cooks meals, cleans, baby sits and takes orders. In my opinion the sooner this institution dies out the sooner people can start living productive healthy lives and reaching their potential.