The Psychological Approach to Healthy Parenting: Part One

There are a lot of parents that are appalled when they see or hear a child being abused in a physical manner but most of them fail to realize that they too are abusing but of a different kind. Abuse can be categorized in mental, emotional, and physical aspects. There is a line that can be drawn in every instance dividing that which is right and wrong.

For example, physical abuse is excessive and violent behavior. Spanking is still a form of parenting and should be strictly up to the parent's discretion but violent mannerisms, hitting excessively with or without cause, and causing physical damage to a body is definite abuse.

Emotional and mental abuse happens more often than corporal abuse oddly enough and most parents don't even realize that they are abusing their child. This happens in approximately 80% of split families according to a list of ten (randomly picked) highly respected doctors of mental health when asked with no conflicting reports.

So, the big question is 'how do parents continuing abusing their child without knowing it?' Well, there are several ways so let's see what the professionals have to say on the subject.

Abusing Your Child: Split Families

Divorce and separations are hard and hectic experiences for everyone involved especially the kids. It is how the situations are handled that make them a healthy transition to a confused child. If a relationship isn't working and every avenue to save it has failed then it is the parent's responsibility to make sure that the child is not meant to suffer as a result.

However, this is often not the case. Dr. Donna Reed is an expert in the field of psychology in Sacramento California. She is educated and experienced in: Relationship/communication/cultural issues, couples, and blended family issues - Court sanctioned domestic violence/anger management counseling (individual and group therapy/males) - Chemical dependency issues/Codependency (individual/family) - Counseling for sexual offenders and sexual victims (individual and group) - Childhood PTSD issues (children and adults) - Attachment issues (children and adults) - Crisis intervention counseling following Hurricane Katrina/Rita disasters

"Infusing their own pain into their parenting can lead to exploitation. The child or children can witness a tug of war between mom and dad which can severely impact them to the point that they will internalize the pain and ultimately end up blaming themselves." Dr. Reed explains.

Each and every time a child is used as a tool or a pawn in a 'get even' game they are watching it and because of all of the negative attention surrounding them and seeing how they are being used to hurt one parent or the other they will blame themselves. This is not fair to do to each other or the child involved.

By abusing your child in this capacity means to interrogate them after a visit with the other parent while showing your displeasure or animosity with certain things they share with you. The proper way to handle visits should be a casual conversation when the child comes to you to discuss it of course there is nothing wrong with simply asking what they did... but don't over ask or nit-pick.

Abusing your child also means that you make them cancel visits, talk them out of wanting to spend time with their parent or lying to force the child to 'love' you more or be 'scared' to leave your home. There is no excuse for one parent to turn a child against the other. If one is a bad influence then in time the child will see it for themselves. "Nothing gives a mom or a dad the right to control the love a child feels toward their parent regardless of the reasons behind the separation. That is an adult issue; the child should be left out of it." Dr. Reed continues.

Here are a few tips Dr. Reed shares to help the child involved in these messy disputes: "First, seek help from a therapist or counseling through your church. Secondly, educate yourself via the internet or support groups. Learn how to handle your emotions the right way and discover ways to keep from abusing your child in this manner. Thirdly, work together as a parental unit to express positive communication about the other parent when you have the child in your custody."