The Psychology of the Rape Fantasy

According to Psychology Today , somewhere between 31% and 57% of women have erotic rape fantasies and 9% to 17% said that those fantasies were preferred or frequent. Of course, rape fantasies are unlikely to be something a person would be proud to admit so that number is probably low-balling it. Of course, it's also a taboo topic because the admittance to rape fantasy might almost be an invitation to rape ("It's not rape if you really wanted it!").

However, there is a very distinct line between reality and fantasy. If women should act out on their fantasies, it's likely to be with a partner, or someone that is trusted. It's dangerous with some safety nets. It's unlikely that a well-adjusted person would want to feel unsafe during a sexual experience. There's a reason why most people are more comfortable sharing their sexual fantasies with a secure partner, than with a one night stand.

There is something appealing about a devastatingly good looking man seducing a woman battling her inner demons knowing that it's wrong but it feels so right! There are several bodice rippers (romance novels) when a forceful male basically pleasures a girl into submission, the sexual tension rages and she discovers that she cannot resist! It is the man battering down the door, unable to resist a woman's wiles and his devastating sexual appetite will sex her into submission and... is it getting hot in here, or is it just me?

Other than the imagery of a large, sexual male who's so strong and good looking that he makes your knees weak and your loins wet, there might be some long classical conditioning where we women are told to want manly men - they are strong, they are dominant and the ultimate show of dominance is rape. It also gives a woman a sense that she could tame that wild warrior man and make him hers.

Another possible explanation is the heightened sense of awareness we get when we're in danger or under stress. Our pulse goes up, our senses our heightened that can all serve to turn up the temperature in the bedroom.

Yet, in some of my more candid discussions with other women, it might be as simple as wanting to be desirable. We want to be so appealing that a man could not possibly resist the urge to take us!

Another factor that we came up with after a long night of drinking (where all epiphanies happen) we came up with another theory. In this world, strong women think that they can never seem to find a real manly man! Why? Because we want it all. We want a man who can accept our independence and not be emasculated by it. We want a man who's strong and still manly, but with an empathetic side too. We want them to dress well, to understand us, to be romantic and still be a beast in the sack! So how on earth could a man be a manly man while still being sensitive? How can we be feminine and (dare I admit) a little docile with our men when we're the type of woman who dominate it in a man's world? If they're dominant in the bedroom, we can still be the feinting damsel in the arms of her man without letting it seep into her real life and undermining her in the business world.

Most women don't want their rape fantasies to ever come true - from what I know, they are fantasies used for masturbatory purposes. Even with a trusted partner, it's not uncommon for a woman to not want the rough stuff to happen in the bedroom while others who do want it in moderation. Maybe a little bit of spanking, a little bit of choking, a little bit of hair pulling and maybe a purposeful use of handcuffs but nothing remotely resembling what might be harmful.

The bottom line is that with most sexual experiences, particularly involving fantasies, it's about trust. No woman really wants to experience the powerlessness of rape and no woman wants to be harmed. She might want the rough role-play but it's unlikely that she wants to be violated.