The Purpose of Family for a Christian

Today I had a moment. One of those little moments that doesn't always make sense. I was making a birthday card for my nephew, who is 17 years old today. Seventeen years ago today, a beautiful baby boy was born. When he was born and first learning to live in this world, I was much closer to him than a normal aunt would be. For the first several years of his life, I lived in the same house as him. When my sister had to go out for work or to run errands, I would watch him, feed him, and change his diapers. When my sister went to college wtih my nephew in tow, I went to the same college and operated as the first choice babysitter for two years.

In short, I loved my nephew almost as if he were my own child. We were like best pals. I was his cool Aunt Lindsey who would do almost anything to make him happy. I used to read him stories and take him to movies or the park. From the moment he opened his eyes the first time I sang to him, I have been in love with that little (now big) boy.

As he's grown older, however, I am no longer the cool aunt. Sometimes I am tolerated, sometimes I am ignored, sometimes I am blatantly rejected. But I'm no longer the one he wants to be around. Part of it is him being a teenager. Part of it is because when I love someone, I tend to nurture, smother, or dominate. I am working on these things little by little. But I have to be honest. I liked being the cool aunt. I liked how he used to get excited about hanging out with me. I really miss that. But in my honest, aunthentic way, I have to ask myself why I "loved him" so much. Was it because I was loving him in a correct way? Unconditionally? Without strings? Or was it because he made me feel loved, appreciated, or special?

This year, I have been working on how I give gifts. I want my gifts to be an authentic expression of what I feel about someone, regardless of the result. If they are grateful and give me a hug or get teary, that's wonderful. But I shouldn't give gifts to receive praise.

As I made my nephew the card, I was wondering if he would like it or if he would appreciate it. I caught myself doing this and had to change my thinking. Whatever the result, I will give him my truest gift I can give--my love--whether or not he receives it well.

As I was thinking about this, I began crying because I wondered if he would ever know how much I loved him. I thought about my relatives that had passed away whom I did not appreciate until they were gone. And it dawned on me why God gives us family. Family can really suck sometimes, you know? Families should provide a safe shelter of unconditional love and acceptance--the place where you can always turn no matter what. But reality doesn't always match this ideal. Sometimes, it is our families who hurt us the most. Only a family member can see through the adult image you have carefully constructed for yourself and uncover the real you within in seconds. Only a family member can cause to revert back to your childhood state of whining or arguing over petty things.

Yet . . . it is our families who give us the greatest opportunities for growth and understanding of God's love for us. Yes, maybe my nephew doesn't always appreciate me, but how often do I appreciate God? Maybe my nephew doesn't come and stare adoringly up at me and say, "Aunt Lindsey, thank you for loving me all these years even though I haven't always appreciated it." But, how many times a day do I sit at God's feet and tell him how much I love him?

Our families are made of the people we need to learn to love unconditionally. We are tested in this, sometimes daily. My nephew provided me an opportunity to imagine what it would be like to love someone without that love necessarily being reciprocated in a visible way. Our Maker, God, woos us with us love. He doesn't demand that we love Him back. He gives us choice. By giving my nephew this card, I am offering my heart to him, and giving him the choice to return my Love. What a pwerful moment.

God gives us our families to test us and see what we are really made of. When the going gets tough, how do we treat the ones entrusted to us? What has your family taught you about God's love?