"The Real Housewives of Atlanta" Are Bougie and Ghetto

Did you ever think you'd see the day when the most ridiculous Housewife in Atlanta wasn't Kim Zolciak? Phony Phaedra has ascended quite nicely to the Throne of Preposterous, complete with a crown of roses in her hair, rhinestone eyelashes and a closet full of Tammy Faye Baker dresses.

Before we get to the un-fabulousness that is Phony Phaedra, we take a trip to the plastic surgeon's office with NeNe for a consultation. A new nose, new boobies and a pooch-less stomach are in order. Nene's bestie, Diana comes to lend her support and NeNe fills her in on her domestic strife, namely with son, Brice. Diana warns NeNe to nip the problems in the bud so that youngest son, Brent won't be influenced by his older brother's shenanigans.

Kim's parents come to visit and we now understand where Kim gets her...Kim. Daddy smokes like a chimney. Daddy sucks up wine like a fish. Daddy's the life of the party. Lapsed Catholic Kim wants to have her youngest daughter confirmed, but according to her mother (who's made a few calls)because Kim hasn't been to church in who knows how long, she's gonna have to show up on Sundays before anybody gets confirmed anywhere. Kim balks, calling it all about money and her father thinks the church would probably spontaneously combust once she set foot in there in anyway. Kim's mom suggests she ask Big Poppa (who's back in the picture) to put in a call on her behalf. Later, she shows them her White Party performance on YouTube and Dad wants to try out to be a back-up dancer.

Sheree works out with her trainer and in between sets, checks out some fresh young meat. Her trainer queries her about her social life and she fills him in on her date with the doctor. She claims she wants to try something "different" i.e. he doesn't have to have the type of money she's used to. NeNe's not buying it, because she knows Sheree will always go for the dough. Sheree meets up with the doctor at one of his love seminars about why Black women can't get Black men to marry them. Apparently, if you let them open the ketchup bottles during dinner, that will do the trick. Of course, unless you're Sheree and you don't go to places with ketchup bottles on the table. The doctor wants to know where Sheree places more emphasis, love or money. Well, Sheree does seem to have a different outlook, because she'd be ok with "50/50."

New Housewife, Cynthia and her fiancé, Peter, who detests riding in limos all the time, ride in the limo to pick up Phony Phaedra and Dwight before they trot over to the Steeple Chase. Phony Phaedra deems supermodel Cynthia as acceptable for her social circle, but Cynthia isn't feeling her or Willy Wonka Dwight and their matching pink hats. Phaedra gets on her high horse long before they reach the race grounds as she opines on her husband, Apollo being a "clean man," because he doesn't have a bunch of kids or baby mamas. Guess that whole convicted felon thing doesn't count. Can we dub Cynthia Queen of the One-Liners? "Apollo taking showers in prison is the only way that he could be cleaner than my man." Ok, she's no Bethenny, but who is? Peter, who has five kids himself, takes umbrage over Phony Phaedra's yapping about men with multiple kids, and is ready to choke the pink off her hat. Pregnancy is the only thing that saves Phony Phaedra from certain death and Peter from having to take his own prison showers.

NeNe's surgery day arrives and Gregg is MIA. We no longer can include Gregg on our "Husbands We Love" list. A loopy NeNe calls out for Gregg, but Diana can't get him on the phone, so NeNe has to settle for making drunk "I love you" calls to Kim and Sheree. NeNe babbles on about boobies and bleeding noses and even after she's home, Gregg is still nowhere to be found. Even the possibility of Kim sneaking in wine to a convalescing NeNe doesn't take the sting away.

Hot off her White Party performance (and a visit to Jimmy Kimmel) Kim meets with Kandi to discuss doing a follow-up song to "Tardy for the Party." This time around, Kandi wants a producer fee and even suggests the two do a tour together. Kandi seems to think she can make non-singer Kim actually want to sing.

Phony Phaedra hosts what she apparently thinks is the social event of her season, her over-the-top, ticky-tacky, boughetto baby shower. There's a dress code of hats and gloves, male escorts ("Where are we. Chippendales?" Yes, Cynthia, you are.) Phony Phaedra exempts herself from wearing a hat so she can be the Belle of the Ball and make an entrance. Phony Phaedra won't allow any stragglers, so if anyone shows up late, the Chippendales dancers will boot their asses out of there. Kim didn't get that memo or that there was a dress code and shows up with only her wig to adorn her head, which irks Phony Phaedra. What the other ladies (including Lisa) didn't realize is that it wasn't a baby shower, but a performance of "The Nutcracker," as ballerinas floated out and threw white...rose petals, feathers?? As an entertainment attorney (who represents pot smokers who keep getting busted) Phony Phaedra felt it was important to incorporate the arts. Dwight and Phony Phaedra performed a waltz to boot, (which Apollo wisely tuned his nose up at) and Cynthia prayed for someone to "stab [her] in the neck." Yea...that would have hurt less.

Next week, NeNe shows off her boobs, Kandi gives a gift which keeps on giving and Sheree will not be licking any fingers.