"The Real Housewives of Atlanta" Rock the House

Tonight's episode of "The Real Housewives of Atlanta" felt slightly disconnected. "The Real Housewives" of any city, pick a city, work best when the wives are interacting with each other, not marooned on an island by themselves. Unless it's Scary Island and Cuckoo Kelly, Desperate Danielle, Michaele Salahi and possibly Kim Richards, have taken up residence there.

Kim gets ready to perform "Tardy for the Party" at gay mecca, the White Party (not P Diddy's bash, in case you were confused). Kim flits around yelling obscenities at her assistant (how many has she had now?) and packs enough clothes for ten concerts, including her wigs which each have a different name. Her own little gallery.

Kim and her assistant jet off to Palm Springs and hop into their obnoxious yellow Lamborghini rental, which I think she stole from Jill Zarin. After stopping to pee in a box that was likely a holdover from "Slumdog Millionaire," Kim meets up with Kandi, who has graciously agreed to help Kim out with this massive performance. Turns out the Lamborghini was just to drive - she rented a limo for her luggage. Kandi is peeved over Kim's whole "Lady Gaga" posture, based purely on one little auto-tuned single. Kandi, who was there for moral support and to help with soundchecks, gets pressed into being Kim's backup singer. Take heart Kandi; Michael Jackson sang backup for Rockwell back in the day. Rockwell, who? Exactly.

Back in the ATL, Sheree and Dwight get together and she confronts him over the whole "I paid $30,000 for Sheree's fashion show issue." Seriously, if Dwight can't produce receipts - not buying it. Dwight's been rubbing everyone the wrong way this season, and if he's not careful, he may be usurped as the requisite gay Housewife in Atlanta. Lawrence, perhaps? The two decide to drop it and move on. Later, we meet Sheree's long-lost daughter, Tierra. Anyone else's head snap at that one? Sheree visits with Tierra and her boyfriend who are moving in together and urges her not to have babies yet. Mostly because Sheree's not ready to be a grandmother.

Meanwhile, NeNe and her youngest son, Brent, take their new dog, Playa for a walk in the park. She has a heart to heart with him about older son, Brice and his problems. While she shields him from the details, she makes of point of telling him that he can always come to her or his dad about anything. NeNe is determined to keep one son on the straight and narrow, even if she has to smother him with kisses to do it.

New Housewife, Cynthia drags her engaged-three-times cold feet over her boyfriend's ultimatum that they have to get married or he's out the door. Cynthia is afraid of being in a bad relationship and her sister tells her to get over herself. Amen. Meanwhile Phony Phaedra fries up some fish and explains Black parenting to her biracial husband. During her confessional, she explains his incarceration for racketeering, likening it to Martha Stewart's legal troubles (not exactly the same, but ok). She neglects to mention his multiple aliases, but maybe that will come up in another episode. Later the couple meets with relationship counselors from their Church to discuss "The 5 Love Languages." Apollo is all about quality time and no surprise, Phony Phaedra likes gifts. Apollo doesn't think that's a language (oh, but it is my friend. Someone didn't complete their homework assignment.)

Phony Phaedra also feels the need to school Apollo in fine dining, since white households, like the one he grew up in, are all about canned food and potted meats. Hmm. My Black ex-boyfriend used to lap up Spam like it was going out of style. And in the upper-middle class house I grew up in headed by two Black lawyers, we ate fried bologna squished between Wonder Bread, sooo...what the hell is she talking about?

Back in Palm Springs, Kim's busted gaydar is in overdrive as she thinks she has chemistry with all the hot gay boys she comes in contact with. She did know this was a party for gay men, didn't she? During rehearsals for the show, Kandi's not impressed with Kim's work ethic and can't discern what Kim's goals are as an artist. To flounce around on stage in front of thousands of screaming gay men. Right before the show, Kim has to get sewn into her dress to keep from busting out all over and even has to have the dress pinned to her panties so she doesn't flash the crowd. Trust me, honey, they wouldn't have cared. Kandi's nervous that Kim's either "gonna kill or she's gonna die." Kandi gives Kim props for hitting her (auto-tune) notes and remembering her dance steps, but not for working the crowd. Luckily, Kandi is there to save the day and hits the state to get the crowd pumped up. God bless, Kandi.

Next week, Kim wants another song, Sheree wants 50/50 and NeNe wants Gregg.

Sources:

http://starcasm.net/archives/62013

http://www.5lovelanguages.com/learn-the-languages/the-five-love-languages/