"The Real Housewives of D.C." Get Caught in the Spin Cycle

The rewind button on the DVR went into overdrive during Part One of the "Real Housewives of D.C." reunion. Cat was funny! Lynda was a pothead! Mary's not! (maybe). While no one stormed off the set or brought out shrunken heads, the D.C. doyennes provided plenty of entertainment.

After querying the ladies about their political affiliations, Andy Cohen dives into the mayhem by trying to get to the bottom of Michaele's recently revealed multiple sclerosis. Lynda's not buying it and Mary wants to know why we need to know about it now. Michaele talks in circles, Stacie tries to break it down to her about why her credibility is an issue and everyone is pretty disgusted.

Much of the hour was chewed up by dissecting Cat on everything fromher sometimes garbled words, her shattered marriage and of course if she's a racist (which Cat thinks is bollocks). Cat defends herself against the scarlet "R" for rude etched on her forehead but warns Michaele "don't hold your breath," because she'll never be nice to her. Later, Cat is detached as she talks about Charles' flight from their marriage and says she doesn't want him back. Michaele, Mary and Lynda (sort of) all agree that the marriage didn't seem to be a good one. Cat won't blame the show for the split, but rather that it highlighted issues that were already there.

Race relations were another hot topic on the couch as we revisited Mary's desire to see integrated salons (stay off the sauce, Mary) and Lynda's interracial relationship with Ebong. Cat's comment about "colored people" is revisited and she calls out Stacie for not denying that Cat is racist. Stacie sticks to her assessment that Cat is rude, ill-mannered and impolite, but never comes out and calls her racist.

Cat gets out of the hot seat for a moment as we learn that Stacie tracked down her birth father in Nigeria, where she has ten siblings and her father has two wives? At any rate, she and Jason also have to get remarried according to Nigerian custom and hubby's gotta cough up a dowry this time around.

The wretched ice cream social with camera whore, Erika, is revisited. Mary wishes she'd come to Cat's defense (as does Cat) and Lynda stands firm that Erika was out of line. Stacie is wishy-washy about the whole thing and puts a lame, the clips were "sensationalized" label on the whole thing. Be careful, Stacie about trying to play Switzerland, lest you get booted off the island like DeShawn and Lisa over on "The Real Housewives of Atlanta." A surefire passport off a "Real Housewives" show is to be neutral. Or broke.

Michaele decides to chime in with her two cents about the Erika situation, even though she wasn't there and says Cat can dish it out, but she can't take it. Michaele flips on her crocodile tears switch and claims Cat makes people cry (she even tries to bring Stacie into the Crying Game with her, who's not going there.) Michaele goes for the jugular and says Cat needs to find love within herself, and if she does, Charles will come back. She cuts further to the bone and whips out the fact that unlike Cat, "at least I'm married and I have someone who loves me." Snuggling up to Tareq each night is not to be bragged about. Cat wants to know what's between Michaele's ears besides the wind. Hard to put into words, but funniest moment of the night was when Michaele said she's spent a lot of time in England, which drew a disappointed "oh, no," from Cat.

Mary's best friend, i.e. a green bottle of wine, was put up to vote as the sixth Housewife, which mortified Mary. Girlfriend, turn it to your advantage like Ramona did by launching a wine line. God knows she's been walking around with a permanent IV drip of Pinot Grigio affixed to her arm for three seasons. Might as well make some money from it.

Lynda proved the biggest surprise of the night as she listed her forays into the Valley of the Dolls with Xanax, Concerta, a hit of Scotch, sa ip of wine, oh and her pot. Stacie wasn't the only one falling out of her chair.

Andy tried to get to the bottom of whether or not Michaele was actually a cheerleader for the Washington Redskins. Micheale pulled out her roll of quarters, plopped them in her washing machine and flipped it to the spin cycle as she goes round and round about being on the roster, but not, and being an alumni and being on the field twice and her age and then I had a headache wanted to ring up Ramona for my own Pinot IV.

The night ended on a scary note when Andy asked Michaele if she ever went anywhere with Tareq. She teared up again and started shaking. Then, Andy wanted to bring Tareq out before the other husbands. Lynda refused to stay on the couch unless Ebong was sitting next to her, because Tareq goes after women and "ignores the man rules." Andy tried to assure her it would only be for a little while, but Lynda threatened to bash Andy's head in with her bottle of Scotch. Ok, not really, but as Paul Wharton said, if Lynda has it out for you, you better watch your back.

Next week, the men get on the couch and Andy's not buying what the Salahis are selling.

Sources:

http://www.slashfood.com/2010/10/14/real-housewives-ramona-singer-launches-wine-label/