"The Real Housewives of New Jersey": As the Desperate Danielle Turns

Here's a suggestion for Bravo: scrap this current version of "The Real Housewives of New Jersey" and revamp it as "The Days and Nights of Desperate Danielle." She remains the sole topic of conversation among the Garden State gals (with the exception of the Manzo household, but even Caroline manages to get dragged into the fray.) It's quite telling that all of the action on this show revolves around Desperate Danielle, which means there's not much else these ladies have to offer.

Before the usual slide into Desperate Danielle-dom, we're treated to a taekwondo lesson for the Guidice girls. Which is apparently a time for them to sport pigtails and beat the crap out of each other. Joe loves to bribe his gaggle of girls with hot dogs as an incentive for taking each other down. Perhaps there might have been more peace in my own house growing up if my father had taken that approach with me and my sisters.

It was a night of direct hits as Desperate Danielle (at Danny's suggestion) takes a boxing self-defense class. He urges her to think of Teresa and Jacqueline as the boxing gloves as she proceeds to clobber the instructor. The instructor also teaches Danielle some specific moves to defend herself against any more hair pulls. Since that happens every day. Well, I guess in Desperate Danielle's world it does.

In a non Desperate Danielle bit of news, Caroline's son, Albie, gets good news from his former law school when it provides a letter stating he has the capacity to succeed in law school. This is a relief to Albie, as he might have wound up as a fill-in maître d' at the Brownstone. He tells his parents he might have to attend school out of state and his father tells him not to worry about how much Caroline might cry if he does. Caroline's solution is to go with him. Caroline: see Miss Vicki from "The Real Housewives of Orange County" visit her son at school. It wasn't pretty.

Jacqueline visits with her two-timing neighbor, Kim G., who gives her perspective on the whole hair pull incident. Kim G. starts to lay blame on Teresa for inciting the incident ("Is bitch better?"), but Jacqueline defends her pal, saying that Desperate Danielle is the only person who seems to shake Teresa's soda. Later, Kim G. runs into Teresa at Posche, who has gone there to apologize to Kim D., yet wants justification for planning to "get in her face." Desperate Danielle, not Kim D. Kim D. gives Teresa a pass, since all the crap hit the fan after the show, not during. Teresa, much like Ashley, continues to rationalize her behavior. Unlike Ashley, she at least understands putting her hands on Desperate Danielle would only provoke a lawsuit since the woman is "sue happy." Teresa claims Desperate Danielle was only trying to get a rise out of her by claiming her house was in foreclosure, but that it didn't work. I guess that was some other raven-haired Housewife running after Desperate Danielle the night of the fashion show. Once Kim G. shows up, Teresa asks why she's friends with Desperate Danielle and Kim G. responds it's all out of pity. Teresa's only regret from that night? Pushing the "elderly" Kim G. Because the woman looks so decrepit.

Next up, it's Ashley and boyfriend Derek's turn to suck all the air out of the room by talking about Desperate Danielle ad nauseum. Ashley blames Jacqueline for continuing to bring up the situation, but later goes on to say she doesn't understand Desperate Danielle's problem with her and laments the woman is "obsessed with me." And yet, there Ashley is, talking about the woman, putting up posts on Facebook about her, texting her. Level-headed Derek wants Ashley to get over it already. Amen.

Teresa's husband, Joe, has a plan for when they get kicked out of their house and it includes a pizzeria and an apartment complex. Teresa remains prickly over Desperate Danielle's assertion that her house is in foreclosure and we all know what they say about protesting too much.

Desperate Danielle meets up with Danny at a local diner to discuss Ashley and seems hurt that it wasn't so long ago that the two were thick as thieves. She claims both Ashley and Jacqueline confided in her about trying to fit into the Manzo family, but now blames Jacqueline for Ashley's troubles and determines the girl needs to be taught a lesson. Later, Desperate Danielle gathers her merry band of girlfriends (with Kim G. front and center) at the courthouse along with her lawyer to formally charge Ashley with harassment and simple assault. The lawyer tries to decipher exactly what happened and even he looks annoyed at the whole situation. Jacqueline and Ashley meet at Caroline's to discuss the looming charges and Ashley laughs the whole thing off. Caroline finally gets tough with the girl and tells her "you handed this to her on a silver platter." Indeed.

Kim G. can't wait to run over to Jacqueline's house the morning after the hearing with a stack of newspapers filled with stories about the pending court case. Jacqueline doesn't want to let her in, but relents, since its cold. Jacqueline rips into Kim G. for going with Desperate Danielle to the courthouse and calls her two-faced for being friendly with her unbeknownst to Desperate Danielle. Kim G. cops to being duplicitous and reiterates she spends time with Desperate Danielle because no one else will. She claims she'll 'fess up one day to Desperate Danielle about hanging out with Jacqueline. Watch your back, Kim G. Watch your back.

Next week, it's Christine's Sweet 16, Joe's feeling the pinch and Ashley gets served.