"The Real Housewives of New Jersey" Wanna Be Startin' Somethin'

"The Real Housewives of New Jersey" should probably look into some hobbies that don't revolve around Desperate Danielle. Every conversation somehow comes back to everyone's so-called least favorite Housewife. Well, we all know the drill by now - every time Desperate Danielle's name is uttered, drink!

About the only person without Desperate Danielle on the brain was Caroline (though Jacqueline and Teresa managed to pull her into the fray.) Caroline's biggest problem this week seemed to be her soon-to-be empty nest. She gathered with her sisters (Dina was absent)to talk about her son, Albie, and his law school problems. It wasn't long before Caroline got emotional that her kids are growing up and don't need her anymore. She tried to explain her feelings to husband Albert, who offered to get her preggers. Part of Caroline's discontent has to do with Albert's grueling schedule at the Brownstone. She wants him to retire, he says no way, Jose. Later, during their standing date night, Albert softens his stance and agrees to work 12 hour days versus 16 hour days. Well a girl's gotta take what she can get, I guess.

As Teresa and Jacqueline wait for Kim D. to show up for lunch, Teresa speculates Kim D. wants to talk about her Desperate Danielle problems. Sure enough, Desperate Danielle is on the menu as Kim D. reiterates the only reason she deigns to spend time with the woman is for business reasons. Teresa is suspicious of Kim D's motives and wonders if Kim D. is dissin' Desperate Danielle behind her back, what's she saying about Teresa? Kim D. assures Jacqueline and Teresa she can be trusted, then invites them to a fashion show for her boutique, Posche. She cautions that Desperate Danielle will likely be there since she's a customer. Jacqueline's not feeling it, but Teresa wants to give it a whirl.

Desperate Danielle gets wind of Kim D's "betrayal" via "sixteen text messages" (high school, much?) and immediately stalks over to Posche to confront her now-enemy, who's next door paying the water bill. Posche employee, Donna doesn't get off the phone when Desperate Danielle blows through the door and hate to say it, she was kind of rude. Having worked in retail for more years than I care to remember, yes, customers will come in while you are on the phone. However, if you smile and ask them to hold on a second while you finish your call, they're usually fine (yes, I realize that's the route you take with sane people and Desperate Danielle's sanity is questionable, but still...) Donna's bitchiness aside, in typical fashion, Desperate Danielle took the whole thing as a personal affront and huffed out. She returns a few minutes later to have it out with the now-returned Kim D., who wants to know why Desperate Danielle can't just chill out. Desperate Danielle declares she's going to take her business elsewhere and cackles during her confessional that Kim D. will miss her money.

Drama continues to surround the fashion show before it even happens. Kim D. asks Jacqueline's daughter, Ashley to walk in the show (but not Desperate Danielle's daughter, budding model, Christine). Later, Kim D. gets on the horn to apologize to Desperate Danielle for any real or perceived slights and begs her to come to the show, promising a good time and no drama. Jacqueline, meanwhile is now on-board to attend the show (since Ashley is walking) and seeks out Caroline's advice about handling Desperate Danielle's presence at the show. Caroline, who will be at the aforementioned date night instead, pegs the whole situation as "sticky" because you never know which Desperate Danielle you're gonna get - love and light or totally ballistic. Caroline advises both Jacqueline and Teresa that "you win by doing nothing." Oh, if only these words of wisdom had been heeded.

Two-faced (or two-cheeked, judging by the length of her dress) Kim G. swings by Desperate Danielle's house to pick her up for the fashion show. Kim G. implores Desperate Danielle to stay positive and not get caught up in any drama. Turns out Desperate Danielle has engaged a more civilized bodyguard for the evening, since Kim G. deemed Danny unacceptable. Meanwhile, Kim D. has the top half of the body represented, as her boobies needed their own table. She's also the fool that did the seating chart as she seats Teresa and Jacqueline at her table, which directly faces Desperate Danielle and her crew. Desperate Danielle seethes at this unfortunate geography, while Jacqueline tries to ignore her and Teresa stares her down.

Desperate Danielle texts and pretends to be on the phone during the show ("Paris Hilton taught me that." Um...okay) and rails about Kim D. sleeping with the enemy. She's further incensed to see Ashley on the catwalk (or as she affectionately calls her "coke whore.") I was surprised to see that gal from "Jersey Shore" show up (ok not really, but it was an incredible simulation). The show itself goes off without a hitch, and once Ashley joins Jacqueline and Teresa at the table, she engages in petty mind games with Desperate Danielle by waving at her coyly. Jacqueline catches on to what Ashley is doing and warns her to cut it out. Jacqueline then notices Teresa has gone AWOL. It seems Teresa, who has done her level best to avoid Desperate Danielle all season, suddenly feels the urge for a friendly chat.

Teresa lies in wait outside the coat room for Desperate Danielle, who walks right past her. Teresa yells after her with a slew of fake pleasantries, which Desperate Danielle coolly responds to. Teresa continues to needle Desperate Danielle about various items including Gia's Fashion Week debut, how nice she is and the table-flipping debacle. When Desperate Danielle calls out Teresa for trying to start trouble, Teresa flips a table of another kind and claims Desperate Danielle brings out her bad side and wants to know if she should call her a bitch instead. Why, oh why, couldn't Teresa have listened to Caroline?

Next week, all hell breaks loose.