"The Real Housewives of Orange County" Got No Love for Miss Vicki

Tonight was a night of omens, all of them bad. I literally cringed watching many of the scenes, knowing the doom that was waiting around the corner for "The Real Housewives of Orange County."

Bad omen No. 1 was Tamra getting a tattoo of Simon's name on her ring finger. She wanted to do it as a gesture of love yet correctly predicted that when people get tattoos of their significant other's name, it typically leads to divorce. Later, Simon and Tamra hop on their Harleys with some of their motorcycle buddies and go for a ride. Tamra reveals the tattoo to Simon, who declares they have to stay together now. Everyone toasts the couple and wishes them a long and happy union.

Bad omen No. 2 arrived in the form of Lynne calling Alexis to invite her to a housewarming party for her new home. As we all now know, Lynne and Frank were evicted from said house, so you were left to wonder just when that eviction would take place; before the party, during the party? Nail biter!

Speaking of Alexis, she and Jimbo escape to Palm Desert for the weekend for some couple canoodling. They stay at the same hotel where they first met and Alexis seems drunk before they even step foot in the room. Jimbo makes a point of being put out that Alexis deigned to bring only one bikini for their two-day stay. Guess he can't stand to see her in the same old bikini for more than one day and decides he's going to buy her a new one, which sends Alexis into the throes of ecstasy. I think a pen through my eye would hurt less than having to watch these two.

Gretchen drops by to visit Miss Vicki at the office to show off her makeup line and get a little financial advice. Once again, Miss Vicki takes the opportunity to laud her success and how hard she works while the other Housewives spend all day working out and shopping. Miss Vicki cautions Gretchen not to spend money before she makes it and wonders if Slade is pulling his weight financially. This clearly makes Gretchen uncomfortable and she kind of glosses over her answers to Miss Vicki's line of questioning.

The highlight or lowlight of the episode as it were, was Lynne's dinner party. Lynne busts out with bottles of "Bitch" wine and it all goes downhill from there. Tamra's sole mission of the night is to get Simon and Miss Vicki to make up and get naked wasted while she does it. When Miss Vicki arrives, she declares she's taking the high road and not getting dragged into anymore Housewives drama. Tamra tries in vain to get Simon and Miss Vicki to bury the hatchet anywhere but in each other's back. Simon starts off with a snide comment directed at Miss Vicki and continually tells her to stay out of his marriage because he and Tamra are so happy. Miss Vicki thinks Tamra should stick up for her and Tamra whimpers that she doesn't expect the things she tells Miss Vicki in confidence about her marriage to make their way back to Simon.

To do a little analyzing, I think Miss Vicki hit the nail on the head in her confessional when she said Tamra has revealed issues in her marriage to Simon and that he is threatened by what Miss Vicki knows about their so-called "happy marriage," which would explain his incessant barking at her to "stay out of his marriage."

Ok, back to the dinner party debacle. After trying to provoke Miss Vicki and telling anyone who would listen about how crappy her marriage to Donn is, what an f!@*ing bitch she is, what a piece of s@!t she is, Simon finally storms out and Tamra goes to find him. He tells Tamra she needs to drop Miss Vicki.

Finally, Lynne says soup's on and Miss Vicki winds up seated next to Simon. Later each couple recounts how they met and Alexis' long-winded recitation prompts Miss Vicki to feign snoring. This unleashes a flood of bitterness and sniping as the failed Florida trip comes back to the fore, and the whole group puts Donn on the spot for not being "invited" to Florida or to the recent trip Miss Vicki took to Italy with Brianna and her mother. By now, Miss Vicki has had it and she and Donn hop in the limo and head back to Coto. The group takes turns slamming Miss Vicki and on the ride home, Miss Vicki cries about how much this whole situation hurts her. Miss Vicki wants Donn to kick Simon's ass and Donn tells her to screw all of 'em. I don't think Miss Vicki is long for "The Real Housewives of Orange County." She seems miserable around them and is increasingly distancing herself from the group. Might she be taking a page out of Jeana's book and saying adios?

So after watching everyone fawn all over how beautiful Lynne's house is, the next morning, she and Frank are served eviction papers. Now THAT's a cliffhanger!

Next week, Miss Vicki and Alexis finally mix it up, Frank tells Lynne she lives in a fantasyland and Brianna has a health scare.